“If there aren’t any wrong notes in jazz, why does it sound like that?” For the past few days, I've been asking myself that question constantly. The dissonance of the notes felt like a jackhammer in my brain. I wanted to stop, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I knew in a couple of weeks I was going to be playing for more than just my dad, who was listening from the corner of my room. Half asleep, he made sure I knew that to him, being able to fall asleep to my playing, was the highest compliment he could give, but that wasn't enough for me. I felt my fingers burning as I plucked at the cold metal strings of my bass. Plucking, plucking, plucking until I felt like my fingertips were going to bleed. This was my last chance to really out in what would be my one chance to become a great musician. The next days were a rush of studying, practicing, and mixed emotions. I knew the solo was improvisation, but I still tried to plan in my head the whole day. Math wasn't about algebra, but the 1-3-5 of F minor as the teacher's voice ran a circle through my head. The doors of the auditorium that night felt like 100 pounds and walking in felt like I was swimming through jello. A tightness in my throat was stretched like a violin string. During the solo, I looked at the blank faces staring back at me as if my playing brought absolutely no emotions for them to feel. Not one “good job” or even a smile from anybody but the director, whose thumbs up felt unenthusiastic at best. While the notes flew from my fingers like a cascading waterfall, the dissonance of their clashing felt like water hitting the rocks at the bottom. Instead of flowing from one to the next, like leaves caught in the wind, they blocked and trampled over the others like a tornado of sounds. For the next three years, I never wanted to solo. I imagined the pressure of 1000 eyes digging into the back of my head whenever I thought about trying to solo, so I would only practice them when nobody else was home, locked up in my room with the lights off, as I felt my fingers glide over the strings and imagined cheers of admiration from my invisible audience. The day it all changed, I walked into the jazz band and sat down in my seat, ready but not enthralled by what lay ahead. Looking back now, everything was different. Instead of eyes digging into the back of my head, my friends whooped and hollered as I raised my hand for the solo. The solo came and went as my fingers flew and sweat dripped while my friends yelled enthusiastically in support. I saw the director's face break out into a smile as my fingers fell into the groove I had practiced by myself for so long. Of everything that had changed since that first concert, musical talent was the least crucial. My friend's support, my confidence boost, and my willingness to break free of the restraints I had made for myself were what defined that moment in my mind. The band program has given me so much, and, to this day, continues to shape the path I'm on, but maybe its biggest impact was how it allowed me to take that leap of faith and discover the truest version of myself.

I have many passions, but while most are about me, my favorite one is about influencing others. I work at a overnight, outdoor, summer camp named Camp Palawopec. I have been going there since I was a kid, and it taught me some of the most important lessons in my life including, teamwork, the ability to walk my own path, and make every moment count. I have spend more than half my summers there, and while it has taught me a lot, I am now in a position to pass that down to others. In the past two years I have had the great honor of being chosen to be a staff member at this camp. I’ve grown up with it and now I can teach new kids what I’ve learned. I help foster a sense of community within the camp, and support all the kids on their own paths of self discovery. I had many great staff members who guided me on the path I am today, and I want to pay it back. I help plan activities, trips, and some of the best experiences of these kids lives. While I have many things I am passionate about, the ability to do something bigger than me is really appealing. I need to be the best staff I can be, not for myself, but for the kids. For the kids is the camps motto, and it fits amazingly for the work that we do. It is what I am most passionate about, and everyday I am grateful that I can help these kids, like I was helped myself.

While life seems to pass by you faster and faster every day, it can be good for you to take a step back and slow down. This is how I motivate myself even when I’m pushing myself to the limits. Before I do any big challenge , I like to remember what it took for me to get where I am, and who helped my get there. I always try to push myself, and that means that my life can be hard. I rock climb, and train 5 days every week, I do SAT prep for 3-5 hours every week, and maybe most importantly for me, I help inspire a love and appreciation for nature in kids at a summer camp I work at for weeks at a time. All of these things are incredibly hard to do, but when it becomes too overwhelming, I remember that I have done hard things before and I can do them again. I have come home after rock climbing and gone right into SAT prep while my body was beaten and broken. I’ve stayed up long nights to study, and I’ve done it all for a purpose. I remember these things, but I also remember the people who helped me along the way. I think about my parents, who worked hard so I could afford to join my rock climbing team, have the resources do excellent on the SAT, and who have always been there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I remember my teachers who listened while I asked countless questions and were patient in explaining the answers, and my coaches who pushed me to be the best version of myself.

Being outside in nature is where I feel most at home. In our fast paced world, sometimes it is a good choice to take a step back, and relax. When I started to understand this, I had a realization. I realized that because I have had some of the best, and most memorable experiences in my life outdoors, it could be the thing I needed to help my study habits. When I’m working on something that I don’t find especially interesting, I enjoy remembering the time I was experiencing nature at its finest. I think about me 100 feet up in the air while rock climbing with my family. I think about helping kids learn to appreciate nature as a summer camp staff. I remember looking up at the sunrise as I left my tent during a hiking trip and when I go back to my work, I feel invigorated, and ready to do my best.