One of my earliest memories was of my mother's first suicide attempt when I was four. This was the first of three attempts during my lifetime. I am so blessed that she is still part of my life. To this day, I am part of her support system and a person who weekly rations out medication for bipolar disorder in an automated pill dispenser for her. I can see that trauma and a cruel society towards those who struggle have only deepened her suffering. Recently, my uncle died by suicide. Growing up, I witnessed my sister’s hospitalization with anorexia nervosa. My father was diagnosed with major depression and struggled with paranoia. Eventually, another health condition took his life. After reading all of this, I doubt it is a surprise to read that I, too, was diagnosed with major depressive disorder as a young adult. I have intimate, first-hand experience with what modern medicine calls mental illness. Due to my experiences and personality, I was always drawn to the field of psychology. I read psychology books in my free time when I started college, even though it wasn't my declared major. After taking a break from college to address my traumatic experiences and mental health condition, I switched my college major to applied psychology. As I completed my Bachelor's degree, it became more apparent that part of my life's calling is to take my experiences with mental health and turn them into a beautiful life and career of bringing healing to others through the mental health field. With the help of one of my professors, I found the Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at Grace College. This program can be completed non-traditionally, allowing me to pursue my dream while maintaining balance. I am now enrolled in the program. My first classes start later this month. My story, and the stories of my family, are essential. I want to transform the suffering that I have seen and experienced into good. I am entering the mental health field to serve others with empathy and compassion and to be a healed healer. It took courage to dare to pursue a master's degree. I am so excited to see where this adventure will lead. In my life, I seek to embody empathy in my relationships. I aim to have an empathetic posture towards my mother, my sister, my friends, and my co-workers. Witnessing my mother's experiences with bipolar disorder has caused me to understand the depths of the stigma surrounding mental health conditions, the brevity of life, and the importance of showing care to those around you. My experience with major depressive disorder has caused me to understand that mental health conditions are genuinely something beyond the control of the person experiencing them. One of the most harmful attitudes towards mental health conditions is that individuals should "pick themselves up by the bootstraps." I have experienced firsthand that this is not an option when someone suffers. I take this experience with me as I enter my master's program. My goal is to be the mental health practitioner who helps address the whole person, and the whole of a person's life, that contributes to their suffering. I want to do this because many individuals, including social workers, coaches, professors, pastors, and therapists, have played this role in my life and helped me learn to thrive despite the major depressive disorder that has crippled me for many years. I don't have all the answers and cannot singlehandedly transform broken systems. Still, my life experiences, gifts, passion, and drive can help change lives. This is why I am pursuing education and seeking to enter the mental health field.

"The hardest war to fight is the fight to be yourself when the voices try to turn you into someone else." In the song "Against the voices," alternative rock band switchfoot's lead singer melodically sings out these words. The melody and the backing music speak to my heart every time I hear it because staying true to myself in my daily life starts with fighting the voices in my mind and my world, which try to turn me into someone else. When I was in high school, my father passed away suddenly. My mom was unable to care for me after his death, so I ended up in foster care for a season. When I was a sophomore in college, I lost all of my hair to an untreatable, uncureable autoimmune condition called alopecia universalis. After taking a break from college to process this change and subsequescly starting classes again, I was diagnosed with another autoimmune condition. As someone with these experiences, I constantly confront voices in society and my mind that say that I will not achieve my dreams. However, I work daily to provide healthcare and money for my survival, I enjoy my relationship with God, I run, and I am trying to learn guitar. These habits are part of staying true to myself. A very important daily activity for me is that I am pursuing my Bachelor's in Psychology, and researching graduate school programs so that I can become a clinical mental health counselor, and help others fight the voices that they hear and stay true to themselves.

One investing tip that I've taken to heart is that it profits to open a 401k in your twenties because the money compounds over time. I have a 401k with my employer, and even though funds are tight for me as a student, I contribute four percent of each paycheck to this investment. My employer matches that four percent. Contributing to a 401k is a small sacrifice that I am making now, which I know will pay off in the long run when I am older and thinking about retirement!

“The experience of loss does not have to be the defining moment in our lives. Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss. It is not what happens to us that matters so much as what happens in us." (Jerry Sittser) My father passed away suddenly from a heart attack 6 months before I began high school. His passing created a chain reaction in my life; after he died, one thing led to another. My mother went through a mental health crisis and my sister and I ended up in foster care when I was just starting high school. During high school, my living situations were constantly unstable due to these circumstances, there were little finances for me, and I was on my own to find my way in life as soon as I graduated high school. Experiencing the loss of my father gave me an understanding of the brevity of my life, and has given me the drive to fight for a life that has a positive influence on the lives of others. Because of this loss that I experienced at a young age, I appreciate the mental health field, and I prioritize my relationships with others. The loss of my father has given me an understanding of the importance of mental health workers. Since my father passed away, I have received counseling and watched my mother be nursed back to health by those in the mental health field. These people have been so inspiring to me that I now want to become a counselor and help others work through grief and the depression that can be associated with grief. I am currently finishing my Bachelor's degree part-time while I work full time to support myself. My goal is to go on to graduate school so that I can become an LCP, and I am working towards that goal. This career will use my strengths to positively influence the lives of my clients. The loss of my father has also given me an understanding of the importance of my relationships with family and friends. It is very important to me that I invest in my relationships with my mom and sister; I take time to have dinner with both of them each week on Tuesday nights. I also make sure that my close friends know that I am here for them if they are struggling or need someone to talk to. I value family relationships and friendships since I understand that my time with those that I love is a gift to be cherished. It is important to me that I fight for healthy relationships and prioritize them. The loss of my father had an immediate and painful impact on my life when I was young. Still, I believe that it has also given me the drive to fight for things that truly matter in life, like having a positive influence on those around me and investing in relationships. It has given me the drive to fight for a career in the mental health field, even though pursuing that career is a challenge due to a lack of finances.

When I was 13 years old, my father passed away from a sudden heart attack. Due to the burden of suddenly being a single mother, I spent some time in foster care during high school. By the time I reached college, I was simply proud of myself for graduating high school, finding a job, and beginning my college journey. Little did I know, about two years into my college experience, I would face yet another setback. I spent the first two years of my college experience attending a traditional, four-year college. One day I came home to my dorm after a long shift at Chick-fil-A and took my hair down from its typical practical style: a messy bun. To my surprise, when I took my hair out of the bun, I felt something smooth above my ear. I lifted my hair and looked in the mirror to find a 1-inch by 1-inch bald spot. I told my roommate about this and didn't think much beyond it. Two weeks later, I felt another smooth spot on my head, this time above the nape of my neck. Yet again, I looked in the mirror only to find another bald spot. Over the course of the next three months, I lost all of the hair on my body and learned that I have an autoimmune condition called Alopecia Universalis. This means that my body fights my hair and makes my hair fall out. There is no approved treatment for this disease and no cure. Later in my college journey, I found out that I also have ulcerative colitis, a debilitating digestive autoimmune condition. My experiences with autoimmune conditions caused me to take a break from school. After the brief break, I transferred my credits from the traditional four-year program to a non-traditional online program at Biola University designed for working adults. I now work full-time at Chick-fil-A, that same job that I had when the hair fell out to support myself while I go to school online part-time. The journey of losing my hair and being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis has helped me to understand what it means to overcome adversity: I've dealt with depression, learning to live life as a bald woman, and hospital bills as a result of these experiences. I received a lot of help from my friends who supported me through the tough years of beginning what it means to be a bald woman and the counselors and healthcare workers that have helped me find well-being after being diagnosed with depression and ulcerative colitis. These experiences taught me the importance of friendship, community, and asking for help. These experiences have given me greater empathy for others who experience various forms of adversity, and have given me the drive to continue to pursue a career in mental health so that I can serve others who are going through hard experiences in the same way that I have received help. The growth and self-awareness that resulted from these experiences changed my career trajectory; now I am studying psychology intending to go to graduate school so that I can become a Licensed Clinical Psychologist.

My experiences with mental health have had a major impact on my beliefs, relationships, and career aspirations. While I was growing up, my mother struggled with her mental health. In addition, I confronted my own mental health issues as a young adult. These experiences lead me to understand the importance of mental wellness, the value of paying attention to and caring for my friends, and to want to become a licensed counseling practitioner. When I was just four years old, my mother attempted to take her life after the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center. This was the first of 2 attempted suicides by my mother during my childhood. I am so grateful that she survived these attempts, and that I still have my mother in my life. She is a loving mother and a sweet human being. Watching my mother struggle with her mental health during my developmental years has given me a heightened awareness of mental health and an understanding of the importance of mental health awareness. I see mental health as a critical issue facing our society today, and I want to be part of the solution to this issue. In addition to watching my mother struggle with her mental health, I have also walked my own journey with depression. I struggled with depression throughout most of junior high and high school and hit a low point as a young adult after being diagnosed with Alopecia Universalis, an autoimmune condition with no cure that causes your hair to fall out because your body fights your hair. My own experience with depression, in addition to the grief that came with the loss of my hair, has given me an understanding of what depression feels like, and how helpful treatments like mental health counseling and drug therapy can be, in addition to lifestyle changes. These experiences have not been easy, however, they have given me the drive to study psychology. My personal experiences have led me to see the importance of mental health awareness. My friends know me as someone who advocates for mental health awareness and is sensitive to their feelings and what they are going through in life. I am now a young woman studying psychology who dreams of going on to graduate school to become a therapist. My dream is to help others who are going through experiences like what my mom and I went through with depression and to help them find ways to thrive and live a healthy life.