Mental illness has been left untreated in my family my whole life. When I was little, nobody talked about the difficulties of growing up, especially in a Hispanic household. Everything was pushed down so that we could move on to the next highest paying job or keep our grades from sinking. Mental illness was at the back of our heads, never making a sound. It has slowly crept up on me though. I see it within myself, my father, my mother, the tv shows I watch, the lyrics from my favorite song. I've grown up with mental illness all around me but I never looked hard enough because I was scared of what I might find. I grew up with two pairs of narcissistic parents. Although it was more apparent within my mother, my father only cared about himself at times. I notice my father's tendencies more today because I've become self-aware which in turn, made me more aware of how others treat themselves and their environment. The way my mother and father connected changed the way I interact and view relationships because of how toxic they became. They would threaten to call the cops on each other, scream over the phone, and would send me to relay messages. This type of conflict created a lot of anxiety and tension that clouded my tiny little brain. It would be difficult at times to go to school and have fun knowing that I would have to go home and deescalate a situation between two grown adults. I've realized today that this is wrong and I feel sad when thinking about my tiny self. I vow to never put my future children through that and to only have children when I'm 100% ready. Because of the toxic household I grew up in, I have learned to look for the red signs in partners and to communicate. Some arguments could be miscommunication but nobody would ever know because of pride. In my senior year of high school, I started seeing a therapist. Her name is Amanda and she's become a huge inspiration and a sense of peace. I started seeing her because I was having a hard time dealing with a personal experience of sexual assault. My family was never the type to share their feelings so I didn't know who to tell or if I should tell, was it a big deal? I decided on getting help because I would have breakdowns over the slight mention of sexual assault, even during school hours. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Amanda has taught me how to cope with my trauma but also how to communicate, evaluate my brain and body, and be happy in a world where darkness looms. Amanda is a big influence on how I view mental health and self-care. I've learned to take better care of myself, put myself first, and be kind in general. She has challenged me to have difficult talks with family members and friends. I would not be the person I am today without her and I tell that to anyone who'll listen. I highly recommend therapy even to those who think their only issue is stress and daily life. I don't necessarily want to be a therapist but I do want to be a lawyer and I want to direct my attention to non-profits who help kids in any and every way. Whether it be providing food, school supplies, mental health services, shelter, etc. I think kids should be given every opportunity out there and by helping non-profits from the legal side, I'm able to make sure big corporations don't disrupt the process. Mental health has helped me see that life should be full and that every individual has the power to make it their best friend. I believe the human race is very community-centered but at the end of the day, you only have yourself. Your mind, your body, your sound and you need to cherish that until the day you die. I think kids need to learn this early on so that they can become better community members. Working on yourself on an individual level will help you in the future when you decide to work within a community.

Every person has gone through that phase where they wanted to be an astronaut, right? Maybe that's just me. My dream ambitions ranged from astronaut, teacher, surgeon (thank you Grey's Anatomy), and even president but again, these were crazy ambitions! Throughout my freshmen and sophomore year of high school, I wanted to be a psychologist or therapist because it's cool and mental health is important. However, 2020 had a different plan. COVID-19 shined a lot of social issues like police brutality and mask mandates. It was especially intense because it was an election year between two very big rivals. Many advocacy organizations promoted their cause and of course, gained a lot of support with protests and fundraising. I didn't realize it yet but this was lighting a fire in me. In December of 2020, I did an internship at a local immigration law firm and discovered that I want to pursue law. My focus would be working with local non-profits who can't defend themselves against the big corporate world. And hey, maybe I'll even run for President of the US someday.

I used to think I didn't have a person. I first discovered Grey's Anatomy at a sleepover with my cousins. The cool cousins were watching Grey's Anatomy and the smaller children were playing outside. I needed a break from the craziness outside and decided to bug the cool kids. I don't remember much except that the people on tv were wearing scrubs and there was a lot of blood. Not the best memory but I digress. Growing up, I had one best friend. She was rude, boy crazy, and overall not the best influence. She was definitely not my person. However, my sister could be my person on most occasions. She makes me laugh, makes me mad, and overall has grown to be an awesome person. Despite all that, I believe my true person is myself. I've watched a lot of media that includes hero stories where someone has a certain mentor and a great support system but that never really applied to me. I grew up being the oldest daughter and a second mom to my siblings. I took them to school, made sure their grades were top-tier and cleaned around the house to make sure my mom was comfortable and at ease while she was working. I made sure everyone had a person and a support system but I was left alone, especially when I needed someone. A great example of this is the whole college admissions process. My mom mostly went to college online so I figured out the dorm process, parking, orientation, etc. It's been a mess, to say the least. I'm grateful for everything my mom has done for me and my siblings but I wish I could've found someone in those early years. Today, I've found peace within myself. I've taken steps to become my person, my best friend, and mentor. I've started allowing myself to get to know my hobbies, trauma, the inner working of my brain, and all that jazz. I've been going to therapy for about a year now and I've come to terms with certain trauma that happened in my middle school years as well as family trauma. I've come to terms with the fact that I don't like working all that much and instead focus my attention on traveling, meeting new people, and getting to know my culture. I'm slowly becoming my person every day and it's the reason I wake up every day. In the future, I plan on keeping this momentum to harvest new skills as well as master my current ones. I really love being a leader and speaking on topics that occupy my mind. Knowing my brain and my body will allow me to be a better worker because I'll be happier and more excited about the work I'll be doing. This connects beautifully with education as well because I know that I'll choose to learn about things I love and I won't settle for less. I know no matter what happens, I'll get through it with or without a big major support system.