Mental health has always been something I struggled with, especially in school. I was diagnosed with anxiety in elementary school. It wasn't bad, but as I got older, it got worse. When I was about to start middle school, my anxiety grew. Everyone wondered what had happened to the bubbly person I was and why I seemed so quiet now. Being sent home due to panic attacks became a habit of mine. Going to school was becoming harder for me each day.
I never understood why I couldn't help but feel stressed all the time. I thought something was wrong with me and that I would never be able to feel as happy as everyone else seemed. Keeping up with schoolwork and extracurriculars was tiring. My peers always saw me as responsible and smart, but I felt like I was falling behind. Kids announcing their high grades on papers I failed made me feel small and lesser than.
When the pandemic rose and schools shut down, I transferred to an online school. The work was the same, but everything in my life was different. My grades improved, as well as my mental health. I had time to do things I liked and weren't so stressful. I missed certain people and things from my old school, but my mom assured me that I had made a good choice. Of course, my depression or anxiety wasn't gone, however, my frequent panic attacks had lessened.
With so much free time in my new routine, I began to get creative. Writing and drawing had always been outlets for me. I would journal whenever I felt depressed or anxious. I could put everything I was feeling into a pencil and release it onto a piece of paper. I put more effort into sketching as well, filling up pages of characters and objects.
I found new hobbies as well that took my mind off of everything in my life. My mom bought me a sewing machine as a way to spend my time productively. I made squares of fabric into shirts, skirts, and bags. Sewing is most definitely one of my favorite hobbies. Sometimes my sewing projects take only fifteen minutes, while some take days. It takes time and patience to learn to sew, so I have nothing else on my mind. I feel like I can only keep getting better when I finish a project. Being able to make gifts with my hobby for my family and friends always makes me feel accomplished.
When I'm not in a crafty mood, I like to research science topics and read articles. Psychology, astrology, and environmental science are all topics I relatively read about. Learning about new things is something I am always doing. Once I read about something, I make it a goal to learn everything I possibly can about it. My yearn for knowledge takes my focus away from smaller things that can fog up my mind.
I find psychology the most enrapturing. It is amazing learning about how the mind works. I hope that one day I could work in this field and continue to learn about it. I will keep working towards this goal in order to help others understand themselves better.
Learning and creating are coping mechanisms I use that release me from my mental illnesses. My vigor to help others overcome their struggles with mental illness in the future continues to grow. Although my mental health sets me back every now and then, I will continue to build myself back up to achieve my future objectives and desires.