I became very passionate about mental health when I started personally experiencing depersonalization and derealization (DPDR), anxiety, and panic attacks. I consider the moment I began struggling with my mental health as a clear dividing line, there was a "before" and an "after" version of me. Over the past four and a half years, I have been on a journey to heal. At times, I have felt extremely lost, questioning the point of it all. Other times, I have started to see the light more and more. This journey is what led me to go back to school to finish my bachelor's degree in Psychology. I have always had a deep passion for helping others and knew I was meant to do so, I just wasn’t sure how. Now, it is clearer than ever. I primarily want to work with teen girls because I believe adolescence is such a tumultuous time. I have gained mentoring experience with an 11-year-old girl while living in Costa Rica, as well as through the Vibe Tribe Club, a social-emotional mental health club for teen girls that I currently host. I believe that when you have personally experienced certain emotions and expereinces you can connect more deeply with clients and ultimately help them find inner peace. A major component I want to bring to my work is a holistic approach. It has helped me tremendously on my own healing journey to learn about the nervous system and somatic practices that release stress and anxiety. Through studying the nervous system, I realized how intelligent our bodies are. All the symptoms of DPDR, anxiety, and panic attacks were messages from my body, telling me to slow down, show myself love, and go inward. Somatic practices such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping, breathwork, dancing, shaking, and singing have all been powerful teachers in my healing. I ultimately want to introduce these practices to people I will work with to help them overall live more fulfilling lives!

My most memorable experience is probably very different from others. I was in Utah with a good friend of mine who is an avid hiker. I, on the other hand, am not a hiker at all. Still, I put on my comfy tennis shoes and thought, "Why not?" I love the outdoors, and it had been years since I had gone on a hike. The canyon in Logan, Utah, was calling to us. As we started our ascent up the mountain, I felt good, soaking in the fresh air, the beautiful scenery, and the peacefulness of nature. However, at some point, without even realizing it, the trail turned from a simple incline into what felt more like rock climbing. Before I knew it, I was clinging to the side of the mountain. That was when I discovered something unexpected about myself: I have a fear of heights. I started feeling dizzy, and anxious thoughts flooded my mind. "Oh my gosh, what if I fall off this mountain?" Meanwhile, my friend, who grew up on a ranch, was completely unbothered. She had spent her childhood laying cow fences on mountainsides just as high as we were. But for me, this was a real challenge. We were just 0.04 miles short of the first mile marker when I realized I had reached my limit. You might wonder why this experience would be so memorable for me. I would say it’s because that day, I met a new side of myself. I learned not only how much I could push through but also when to set a boundary and turn back, without guilt. This hike became a valuable lesson for me. It taught me that sometimes, we don’t have to face our fears in the moment. I knew there was no way I could complete the full four-mile hike and make it back down safely. So, I trusted my gut and made the decision to turn back toward the car. Learning to listen to ourselves can be difficult, and ignoring that inner voice can lead to unfortunate situations. Even as I write this, I reflect on how that moment served a purpose in my life. It made me more aware of my relationship with heights, but more importantly, it reinforced my ability to trust my instincts. Since then, I’ve applied that lesson to many aspects of my life, from following my intuition about life decisions to recognizing which foods feel best in my body. Although I was with a close friend, this experience helped me find my voice. It reminded me of the importance of speaking up when something feels like too much. I believe that knowing our limits and honoring them is an invaluable skill. That day, nature taught me more than I ever expected!

My name is Ainsley Bost, and I was born and raised in Raleigh, North Carolina. The majority of my life was similar to that of many people until my senior year of high school when my parents decided they wanted to move out of the country. Near the end of my senior year, while others were talking about which university they were going to, I was the girl moving to Costa Rica. That next chapter of my life changed my perspective in ways I never could have imagined on my ideas, my life, and the direction I wanted to take. I bring up Costa Rica because it was there that I truly began to struggle with my mental health. It was jarring because, about halfway through my senior year, I had started feeling disconnected from my surroundings and not present in my body. However, I had never dealt with mental health challenges before and did not have the language to describe what I was feeling. Just as I had ended up in this situation, I shoved it down and expected that this was just how my life would be. A few months later, while living in Costa Rica, I started to feel extremely unsafe in my body. I did not trust myself, and I was experiencing overwhelming anxiety, which led to panic attacks. However, Costa Rica became my safe space for healing as I was living in a predominantly holistic town. This environment allowed me to learn about mental health, anxiety, and dissociation, as well as how to use knowledge of the nervous system to understand the states our bodies can shift into. I also learned how to balance these states through somatic practices that regulate the body and release built-up stress and trauma that no longer needs to be stored. My mental health journey has deepened my belief in a higher power, which for me is the universe. This belief has provided me with a solid foundation and a place to turn in times when I need help and guidance. Through this journey, I have cultivated more self-love, built a stronger connection with myself, and developed greater kindness toward both myself and others. It has also helped me build healthy relationships with friends and family that truly fulfill me. My experiences have inspired me to pursue a degree in Psychology with a primary focus on helping teen girls with their social and emotional mental health. After completing my Associate’s degree online while living in Costa Rica, I fully immersed myself in this work for a year and a half. I dedicated my time to supporting a teenage girl who was struggling with depression and loneliness. I became a solid figure in her life, helping her navigate the challenges of being new to a completely different country. Seeing her blossom over time was truly inspiring, and it solidified my passion for this work. I know that my own journey of self-discovery and mental health struggles is what drives me to help others. I have been through extreme loneliness, numbness, and hopelessness, and if I can help someone feel even one percent better by being a safe space for them, then that is something deeply meaningful to me. My goal is to support others in becoming the best versions of themselves because we only have this one life. That is my passion on this planet.

I distinctly remember flinging my 16-year-old self onto the couch, upset about something, and questioning how there could be a God if whatever had happened, something I can no longer recall, was allowed to occur. Right then, my mother stopped me in my tracks and said that no matter what, as human beings, whether it is God or faith in another power, belief is essential for life. A mere six years later, I understand what she was saying more than ever. What has helped calm my mind in times when I did not know if I could go on or felt utterly alone has been turning to spirituality and talking to the universe. To some, this may sound strange, but to me it is the foundation that helps me navigate both the hardest moments of my life and the times when I feel on top of the world. I am deeply into asking for signs from the universe to help steer the gallivanting ship that is my early 20s. I believe the universe is all of us, that we are all connected, and that it is a rare and remarkable thing to even exist on this planet today. As I have delved deeper into my personal journey and connected more with my emotions, I have also been drawn toward experiencing my passion for my career. I believe that when you have gone through something difficult, you can connect with others facing similar struggles from a different perspective. You have felt what they feel, stood where they stand, and most importantly, made it through. When I started struggling with mental health issues, it felt like I had lost my spark, like I was no longer ME. It seemed as if I would never feel "normal" again, and no matter what I tried, I was still fighting a battle within myself. I believe my personal faith will assist me in my career by complementing traditional practices that have been around for centuries. It has guided me toward bridging a connection with myself and understanding how integrative our nervous systems are within our entire body. Learning how to shift into a parasympathetic state, rest and digest, more often has helped me alleviate stress and see the profound impact this has on well-being. Turning to somatic practices to release trauma and stress from the body has been an absolute game changers in my journey too. All of this has almost awakened my soul, inspiring me to help myself and others live more meaningful and fulfilled lives. We are each only living in this vessel once, so why not make the most of it and feel the best we possibly can?

When I began experiencing mental health symptoms, such as dissociation, about four or five years ago, it felt like I became a different person. Having never encountered mental health issues before, the sudden onset of them changed everything about me. I lost myself for a while, especially in the beginning, as I tried to finish my senior year of high school and prepared for the major life change of moving to another country. Balancing school, the excitement of a new future, and the confusion of my mental health challenges left me feeling overwhelmed and unsure of who I was becoming. Initially, I managed to function at a high level despite the internal struggles. However, around six months into living in Costa Rica, I reached a breaking point. I experienced overwhelming anxiety, intense emotions, and panic attacks that made me feel completely detached from myself. It was a frightening time, but as hard as it was, these experiences helped me become a stronger, more resilient person. Now, at twenty-two, I can look back and see how these challenges have shaped my goals. What I’ve been through since I was seventeen has greatly influenced my decision to go back to school and finish my bachelor’s degree in Psychology. I want to work with teenagers and support their mental, emotional, and social health. Adolescence is a particularly confusing time, and I believe the right support can make a world of difference. My experiences led me to adopt a more holistic approach to mental health. I began researching ways to manage anxiety and dissociation, and I learned a lot about the mind-body connection. This knowledge opened my eyes to the importance of nervous system regulation. Many people focus only on the mind when addressing mental health, but I’ve come to realize that the body plays an equally crucial role. I discovered that working on improving vagal tone, which regulates the parasympathetic nervous system, helps manage how quickly we recover from stress. Living in a constant state of fight-or-flight or shutdown is unsustainable. By learning how to regulate the nervous system, we can return to a calmer state. This knowledge has been transformative for me, and I am passionate about sharing it with others, especially teenagers who may be struggling with anxiety, depression, or trauma. If I had known about these techniques earlier, I believe they would have made a significant difference in my own journey. Educating teens about their bodies and introducing them to somatic practices that help release stored energy and regulate the nervous system could be a powerful tool in addressing the current mental health crisis among young people. With the rise of technology and social media, many teens are losing the full experience of childhood, and the lack of connection and community exacerbates mental health struggles. I believe that fostering connection and teaching young people how to care for their mental and emotional well-being is essential. Through my own healing, I’ve learned to cultivate healthier relationships with those around me. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that we can only meet others as deeply as we’ve met ourselves. For a long time, I was disconnected from myself, and that affected my relationships. As I’ve done the inner work to heal and grow, I’ve become more discerning about who I keep close. I’ve surrounded myself with people who support my growth, and I’ve also worked hard to build a healthier relationship with myself. I’ve always been sensitive and intuitive, but through my healing process, I’ve become more in tune with myself and the energy around me. I’ve learned to recognize when I’m feeling off or when I’m picking up on someone else’s energy. This self-awareness has helped me navigate relationships and situations with more grace, leading to deeper and more meaningful connections. One of the most important tools I’ve developed is self-love. It may sound simple, but practicing self-compassion and being kind to myself has been life-changing. I used to be incredibly hard on myself, always striving to achieve more and be better. Now, I understand the importance of being gentle with myself and giving myself grace when I’m struggling. Creating a morning routine has also been crucial for my mental health. It grounds me and provides structure, helping me start each day with a clear mind. We are all doing the best we can, and everyone has their own struggles. That’s why I try to focus on spreading kindness in my daily life. Whether it’s smiling at someone I pass on the road or offering a compliment, these small acts of kindness can make a big difference. You never know how much you might impact someone’s day just by being kind and present. Showing up authentically in my relationships, in my career, and in my everyday life is now a central goal of mine. Though it may sound cliché, I truly believe that being your authentic self is one of the most powerful things you can do. Another significant change I’ve experienced through my mental health journey is a shift in my beliefs. Before, I didn’t have faith in any higher power. However, through my darkest moments, I began to feel a connection to something greater than myself—whether that’s the Universe, a higher power, or simply the energy that surrounds us. This belief has provided comfort during difficult times, giving me hope that things will pass and that there is something to hold onto when everything feels uncertain. I now feel that I’ve found myself more fully through these challenges. I’ve developed a deep relationship with my thoughts and emotions, and I’m grateful for the inner turmoil that has shaped me into who I am today. Books, especially memoirs, have also been a significant source of support. Reading about other people’s struggles and triumphs has shown me that no matter how chaotic life may get, we are capable of enduring and overcoming. These stories have inspired me to believe that I will make it through whatever challenges come my way, and that I am responsible for shaping the path my life takes. I am incredibly grateful for the support of my friends and family, but I also recognize that we are ultimately the ones who steer our own journeys. This close relationship I’ve built with myself makes me passionate about helping others develop that same connection. No matter what we go through, we always have the opportunity to meet ourselves again and come out stronger on the other side.

Hello, my name is Ainsley Bost, and I am currently pursuing my BA in Psychology. Over the past four years, I have embarked on a profound inner journey of self-discovery, exploring my identity and envisioning the life I want to lead. This journey has been transformative, allowing me to gain deeper insights into my values, aspirations, and the person I strive to become. I hold myself accountable by practicing brutal honesty with myself, regardless of how uncomfortable the truths may be. Whether the situation is humorous, embarrassing, or deeply sad, I confront my feelings and thoughts openly. This commitment to self-honesty has helped me build a strong foundation of trust within myself. I believe that this trust is crucial for feeling rooted and connected to the world around me. In late 2020, I moved with my family from the United States to Costa Rica. This significant change exposed me to a vibrant community focused on healing and personal growth. During my time there, I immersed myself in various healing modalities and learned valuable lessons about inner healing. I also developed the ability to discern between authentic and inauthentic individuals, which deepened my understanding of relationships and community. Holding oneself accountable is intrinsically linked to self-love and compassion. I believe that when you treat yourself with kindness and understanding, you naturally become more authentic. This authenticity is a beautiful quality that enriches both personal and professional interactions. In my future endeavors, particularly in mentoring teens, accountability will play a vital role. I aspire to guide young individuals in navigating their mental health, social challenges, and emotional well-being. Engaging in service work can often drain one’s energy, which makes it essential to cultivate self-awareness. Recognizing my own needs will be crucial for maintaining balance in my work, social interactions, and personal life. We all have immense potential, and being an advocate for oneself is essential for thriving in today’s world. Recently, I concluded my chapter in Costa Rica after three and a half years and have joined my family in Mexico for the past seven months. Throughout this transition, being brutally honest with myself and holding myself accountable for my current circumstances—despite not being exactly where I want to be—has fortified my sense of self. This process has also brought me peace of mind, reminding me that no moment is permanent. Embracing each experience as it comes prepares me for my next journey, fueling my passion for helping others along the way.

I used to not be able to pick up a book to save my life until about three years ago, when I moved to the beach and spent a lot of time by the pool. Desperate to ditch my phone, I decided to try reading. I started with chick flicks, but after a few, I remember going to my town’s librarian, Marie, and asking for books with more depth. That’s when memoirs entered my life. Since then, I have read a wide range of memoirs that have profoundly impacted how I think. One extreme example is “Educated” by Tara Westover, which became a favorite of mine. Her jaw-dropping account of a childhood in a strict Mormon family was truly eye-opening. Another memorable book is “Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail” by Cheryl Strayed. Strayed, who had lost her mother and was facing a divorce, set out to hike over a thousand miles. Her journey and struggles were fascinating, especially since I am not a hiker myself, and her transformation was remarkable. Additionally, due to my father’s recovery from alcoholism, I found a connection in reading memoirs about people affected by struggling parents. One book that resonated with me is “The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls. Although her childhood was different from mine, it highlighted the parallels of dealing with a father who was a loving individual when sober but a monster when drunk. I began to notice a central theme among these books: their raw and real portrayals of people who faced immense challenges and emerged on the other side, creating meaningful lives for themselves. This theme has been a source of inspiration for me, especially during my healing journey. It gave me hope that even after experiencing horrific and unimaginable events, one's past does not have to dictate their future success. These memoirs have shaped my goals by motivating me to persevere through hardships and create the beautiful life I envision for myself. I came to realize the power that can lie between the pages of books and the impact they started to have on me. I crave to learn more about people who have faced the unimaginable, as their stories help me understand that I am the only one responsible for my life and where it takes me.My passion for helping individuals heal and recover from trauma has been something I have diligently worked toward, both in my own life and with my friends. These books have been key influences on this journey, and I am forever grateful to the many others who pour their hearts out and shine the light of authenticity.

Mental health assumed profound significance in my life when anxiety and prolonged dissociation became recurrent challenges. Following my senior year of high school, my family and I relocated to Costa Rica, settling in a spiritually enriching region that encouraged introspection and personal growth. It was during this transition that I began grappling with mental health issues, feelings entirely foreign to my prior experience of emotional stability and self-management. About six months into our Costa Rican residency, I encountered my first panic attack—an alarming and bewildering experience at the time, as I struggled to comprehend what was happening within me. This event marked a pivotal moment in my journey toward understanding and prioritizing mental well-being. As a student, maintaining mental health has become paramount. Engaging in acts of self-love, such as yoga, nervous system exercises, skincare rituals, or simply enjoying music and dancing with my pink headphones, has proven instrumental in nurturing my overall well-being and academic success. These practices serve as anchors during challenging times, reinforcing my commitment to personal growth and resilience. In my role within my community of friends and family, I advocate passionately for mental health awareness and support. Recognized as a trusted confidant, I endeavor to create safe, non-judgmental spaces where individuals feel empowered to share their struggles openly. This role has been a source of immense gratitude, reinforcing my belief in the transformative power of empathy and compassion. Reflecting on my personal journey, supported by mentors, therapists, and loved ones, I've come to appreciate the universal need for support and understanding in navigating mental health challenges. This realization has fueled my aspiration to pursue a career as a holistic therapist. Witnessing firsthand the profound impact of supportive community networks has inspired me to dedicate myself to guiding others toward healing and personal growth. Embracing this calling with conviction, I am committed to fostering environments where individuals can explore and integrate their mind-body connections, reclaiming their sense of wholeness and resilience. My journey has taught me that, even during periods of uncertainty or setbacks in my own mental health, I can always find strength in reconnecting with myself and leaning on the unwavering support of my community. In conclusion, my experiences have shaped a profound understanding of mental health as a cornerstone of personal well-being and academic success. Through advocacy, personal growth, and the pursuit of professional aspirations, I am driven to empower others on their paths to holistic health and fulfillment.

Firstly, my name is Ainsley Bost, and I was born and raised in Raleigh, North Carolina. I have a deep appreciation for orchestral music, having played the cello for nine years, and I am passionate about exploring different cuisines—a true food enthusiast at heart. Approximately four years ago, my family and I relocated outside the United States, embarking on a journey that has profoundly enriched my life, exposing me to diverse cultures and experiences. This international move has been a tremendous blessing, expanding my horizons in multiple ways. It has allowed me to connect with people from around the world while helping me discern my future career path. My decision to pursue a bachelor's degree in psychology was solidified during my time as a mentor to a teenage girl in Costa Rica. Guiding her through challenges such as emotional management and depression awakened my passion for helping others, a fundamental aspiration of mine. This experience reaffirmed my belief that my life's work must involve making a positive impact on people's lives. Motivated by this calling, I enrolled at National University this past March, eager to pursue my educational journey and contribute meaningfully to my chosen field. I am particularly interested in integrating talk therapy with nervous system regulation and somatic therapy, influenced by my personal healing journey. While living in Costa Rica, I delved deeply into holistic practices and witnessed their profound impact on individuals' mental health. I discovered that by not only discussing emotions and past experiences but also learning to process and energetically release suppressed feelings, individuals could experience significant mental health improvements. This holistic approach, as explored in my Intro to Personality Theories class through concepts like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, resonated deeply with me. Reflecting on my own struggles, stemming from early trauma and a dysfunctional family environment, I came to understand how my nervous system adapted to ensure my survival. However, prolonged periods in states of heightened arousal or shutdown can adversely affect the body. This realization reinforced my commitment to helping others integrate mind and body to heal from trauma. Inspired by my experiences in Costa Rica, I am driven to specialize in working with teenagers, a demographic navigating complex emotional landscapes amid familial challenges. I am particularly concerned by the rising prevalence of mental health issues among teenagers and am eager to offer support during this critical stage of development. In conclusion, my journey—from a musical upbringing in North Carolina to international exploration and my current academic pursuits—has shaped my passion for psychology and my desire to contribute meaningfully to the well-being of others. I am enthusiastic about the opportunity to apply my knowledge and experience to empower individuals to achieve holistic healing and personal growth.

One of my all-time favorite self-help books is "The Mountain Is You" by Brianna Wiest. This book dives into transforming self-sabotage into self-mastery. I believe every human being can benefit from it. It helped me realize that, ultimately, it's oneself against oneself. While there will always be people who dislike you, pray for your downfall, or envy your achievements and project that onto you, it's not fair. However, taking accountability for your life and situation, if unsatisfactory, is key to turning a new page, cutting through the noise, and embarking on the journey within ourselves. Several topics in the book resonated with me, such as uncovering unconscious beliefs that shape our lives, confronting uncomfortable emotions, and tapping into our intuition. As I've delved deeper into my body and health, I've come to understand that Western medicine often fails to promote healing but instead perpetuates illness. If a friend confides in me about their intense anxiety and stress, especially if they're female, my first inclination would be to examine their hormones, sleep patterns, dietary habits, and healthy coping mechanisms rather than simply prescribing a pill as a quick fix. Though I'm neither a doctor nor a mental health expert, this book has emphasized the importance of my relationship with my body, the significance of my daily self-talk, and the necessity of getting deep within myself to construct a life aligned with my dreams. It's a book I intend to revisit annually, refreshing my understanding and appreciation of its wisdom. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to "level up" and be confronted by its truths, as I've had moments where I've had to confront aspects of myself that weren't true or were detrimental. One of life's most beautiful aspects is that if we desire improvement or change or wish to stop sabotaging ourselves, we simply need to actively choose ourselves and the love we wish to honor.

If I could watch only one movie for the rest of my life, it would have to be one of my childhood favorites: "Mamma Mia." Since I was very young, this movie has been my absolute favorite; I would watch it on repeat. The soundtrack is one of the best things about that movie, and it remains a favorite. Its being a musical is one of the things that made it so fun: learning the songs and singing along. I loved how interactive it was. The ABBA soundtrack, in my opinion, is what made this movie so fantastic. My favorite songs that I still play to this day are "Dancing Queen," "Take A Chance On Me," "Lay All Your Love On Me," and the classic "Mamma Mia." I love seeing how the music still lives on and connects me to my inner child! Another reason this movie is my ride or die is the plot. Sophie is the daughter of Donna, a single mother who owns a hotel on the Greek island Kalokairi. Sophie is marrying her fiancé, Sky, and has always wondered who her dad is. After finding her mother's diary from when she was pregnant with Sophie, she reads about the three potential men who could be her father. With this exciting news, she mails all three of them a letter inviting them to come to her wedding, hoping she would know which one her father was at first sight. This was not the case, and she tried to hide them from her mother at first up in the old goat shed. When her mother is looking for them while she is opening the attic door, she sees them and they transport her right back to when she was young, envisioning them as their younger selves, too. This sends little Ainsley's heart flying as I have always loved a romantic movie. I loved watching the romance between Sophie and Sky and between Donna and one of the three men. She also does not know which man Sophie's dad is, but one of the three men, Sam, is the one who gets away in Donna's love story. This movie has beautiful views, amazing friendships between Sophie and Donna's girlfriends, and laughs and heart-pounding moments. The ending is such a plot twist and not expected, but that makes it even better. This movie will forever be one I turn on when I am sick or need some nostalgia, and the soundtrack will live on my Spotify playlists forever!

The older I get, the more I realize how much of a badass my momma, Kim, is. I grew up as a daddy’s girl at heart, and I believe that's because my mother mainly raised us during a particularly difficult time in life when addiction gripped my dad. I would savor every minute I got with him. My momma has always told me that I can know any part of our past, as she says, “You are only as sick as your secrets.” Through that, I learned that my mother, was trying to juggle three kids and an alcoholic and workaholic father, who would try to sabotage any way of making money that was to feed us and put gas in the car. I have infinite respect for the fight she put up for us and her dedication to wanting a better life. Thankfully, my parents are about to celebrate thirty years of marriage, but I have asked her how she stayed with my father after almost destroying our family. She answered with simple words of forgiveness and by no means said it was easy, but she explained that she set herself free by forgiving him over time. Through these lessons, she has taught me and helped shape me into the woman I am today. She is the first person I text when I need advice, to rant about something in my life, or when I need words of wisdom. I sometimes think she knows me better than I know myself and can read my face when something is off. We didn't always have a good relationship, but she has become my absolute rock within the past few years. Through my parents' relationship, she has shown me that real love is not always beautiful, but staying true to yourself is key. She has always put me and my siblings first, making us feel cared for no matter how old we get. She has been the force in my life that has pushed me to step out of my comfort zone because she possesses that maternal wisdom and knew that down the line I would be eternally grateful for her making those decisions for me. As I decided to go back to school after taking a break, she was the first person I told, and she has been cheering me on from the sidelines. The love she harbors for me and my family is infinite, and I am eternally grateful to have her by my side as I walk through life. My momma is one of the strongest people I know, and the way she gracefully walks through life spreading her light is something I admire about her. Once people meet her, they understand where I get my sass, how I learned to speak with my hands, and how I can talk to anyone I cross paths with. These small things make me her daughter, and I am so happy to carry pieces of her with me wherever I go.

As I reflect on my journey, I can confidently say that the onset of my mental health issues marked a significant turning point in my life. At the age of seventeen, I began experiencing dissociation. For those unfamiliar with this sensation, it's akin to feeling disconnected from one's body and reality. What made it even more unsettling was my lack of understanding about what was happening to me and why. I had always prided myself on being level-headed, responsible among my friends, with a clear sense of self. However, as I grappled with dissociation, I felt as though I was slowly losing my identity. In response, I buried these feelings, pushing them aside to navigate through the remainder of my senior year of high school. The trajectory of my life took a significant turn after I graduated, as my family relocated to Costa Rica. It was there that my internal struggles resurfaced with newfound intensity. In addition to dissociation, I found myself grappling with overwhelming anxiety and episodes of depression. I felt as though I was teetering on the edge of losing my sanity, all while surrounded by the natural beauty of my new surroundings. After six months of living in Costa Rica, panic attacks began to punctuate my days, signaling a deep descent into despair. It became impossible to ignore the turmoil within me; I knew I had hit rock bottom and that something had to change if I wanted to rediscover myself. Driven by a desperate need for answers, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and sought solace in conversations with like-minded individuals. Immersed in a community that valued holistic health, I delved into the intricate connections between mind and body. Slowly but steadily, my approach to life began to shift. I traded rigorous weightlifting sessions for the calming embrace of yoga and leisurely walks. I made a conscious effort to reduce screen time, opting instead for the therapeutic practice of journaling. Recognizing the detrimental effects of alcohol and smoking on my well-being, I committed to abstaining from these habits, prioritizing my holistic healing journey above all else. I share my background not to dwell on past hardships but to underscore the profound impact they've had on shaping the person I am today. These experiences have fundamentally altered my perspective, reshaping my self-talk, beliefs, aspirations, and career trajectory. If my seventeen-year-old self could witness the person I've become at twenty-two, she would undoubtedly be astounded by the extent of my growth. During my darkest moments, I found solace in the unwavering support of my mother, whose words of encouragement served as a lifeline. She urged me to seek solace in spirituality, prompting me to explore avenues beyond my immediate understanding. Embracing spirituality opened a gateway to self-reflection, empowering me to envision the person I aspired to become. It was a period of cocooning, during which I prioritized self-care and introspection, laying the foundation for a profound transformation. I learned to establish healthy boundaries, recognizing the importance of preserving my mental and emotional well-being. Diving into spirituality allowed me to introspect and shape the person I aspired to become. I recognized the importance of self-improvement for my well-being and my friends, family, and future romantic relationships. This solitude revealed the necessity of becoming my own confidant and embracing self-love unconditionally. I consciously decided to allocate my time more discerningly and learned the power of saying no. I firmly believe that maintaining healthy relationships necessitates establishing clear boundaries. Previously, I had stretched myself thin by over-committing to various obligations without considering my own limits. However, by prioritizing my mental health, I've come to understand that attunement to oneself involves heeding the signals of the body and trusting one's inner wisdom. Channeling more energy into myself and focusing on regulating my nervous system through somatic practices, practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and allowing myself to rest has been an absolute game changer. Deciding to return to school is something that excites me because I am certain that I want to help people, specifically with their mental health. Upon completing my BA in Psychology, I intend to pursue mental health counseling to gain practical experience before potentially pursuing a Master's degree to become a registered therapist. I am driven by the belief that everyone, regardless of their circumstances, grapples with unseen struggles. I aspire to educate others about nervous system regulation, as it serves as a significant umbrella term encompassing trauma, unregulated emotions, anxiety, depression, and negative thoughts, among others. As I look back on my journey, I am grateful for the lessons learned and the growth achieved by the age of twenty-two. Each obstacle I encountered served as a catalyst for personal evolution, enabling me to embrace life with renewed vigor and clarity. I owe a debt of gratitude to Costa Rica, whose serene landscapes provided the backdrop for profound inner transformation. In embracing newfound beliefs and forging deeper connections, I have unearthed my true passion and purpose in life.

Disney Channel will always hold a special place in my heart and brings up so much nostalgia. From rushing to the television when my favorite show was on to the characters growing up with me these shows are some of the best. My two favorites are Hannah Montana and The Sweet Life of Zack and Cody. These two shows not only would make my mood instantly better on a bad day but also were shows I would bond over with my siblings. Hannah Montana is a comedy series with Miley Stewart being the main star. She lives with her goofy brother who is always up to no good and her widowed father who is a songwriter. With her best friend, Lilly Truscott, always by her side, Miley juggles with her alter-ego. The other version of Miley Stewart is Hannah Montana who is a famous pop star. She goes to great lengths to hide her alter-ego as she wants people to like her for herself and not just because she is an ultimate rockstar. The Sweet Life of Zack and Cody features two twin brothers who live in the Tipton Hotel where their mother sings and they are always getting into trouble. The spin-off Episode would be called Sing-off and would be starring Miley Stewart who is staying at the Tipton Hotel because her alter ego, Miley Cyrus is on tour and doing a concert in Boston. Mr. Moseby checks Miley, her dad, and her brother into the hotel. On their way up they bump into the glamourous London Tipton as they have a suite right next to hers. After they check in they go see that the hotel is hosting a sing-off between people who want to sign up to win a cash prize of $100. Zack and Cody's mom, Carey, is hosting the sing-off and passes them urging Miley to sign up. Some other names on the list are Maddie, who works at the candy store in the Tipton Hotel, London, and Carey. A day passes and Miley is trying to lay low before her concert that night. Jackson ended up going down into the main lobby and bumped into Zack and Cody. Jackson ends up joining the boys on their mischievous act of the day: dying the hotel's white towels that need to be washed pink. They end up sneaking into the hotel laundry area and opening a load of towels in the dryer to put red food coloring in it. Once they sneak away giggling and acting suspicious Mr. Moseby catches them as they turn the corner and sees immediately what they have done. He first takes the boys up to their room where their mom is getting ready to go to the Miley Cyrus concert and Maddie is there ready to babysit. Next, Jackson gets dropped off in an empty room as Miley and her dad have already left for the venue. The next night is the sing-off at the hotel. The dining hall is packed and Zack and Cody are being watched like hawks by Mr. Moseby. When Miley gets on to sing, Carey's jaw drops to the floor as all the sneaking around that Miley Cyrus has tried to do that trip failed. Carey starts freaking out and when she gets up to the stage yells "How can this be fair when we are competing with Miley Cyrus." The crowd is shocked and then the ultimate prank Zack and Cody planned, a big bucket of water that ends up splashing on their mom from above ends the show ....the end!

One of my favorite drinks, which gives me a splash of Fall while still maintaining some flavors of Summer when I'm not yet ready to let go of the warm weather, is Starbucks' Iced Chai latte with matcha. I usually order a Venti, light on ice, with two pumps of brown sugar and two pumps of vanilla syrup. This drink has become my ultimate favorite, and I have to hold myself back from getting it every day when I'm around a Starbucks. The warm essence of cinnamon and cardamom in the chai mixed with the earthy matcha swirl together perfectly with the sweetness of the brown sugar and vanilla flavoring. How this drink has become a character in my fall narrative is through the many memories that started in high school. After the end-of-day bell rang at 2:18, my friends and I would, at least two days out of the week, walk down to Starbucks. It's a short walk from school, where we would always retreat to study for our next test, spill the hot gossip, or focus on getting homework done. We didn't realize it at the moment, but it became our safe haven—a place where we could all cozy up while the weather was getting cooler and yet more confusing, as Raleigh weather is, and drink our favorite drinks together. One of my favorite memories is meeting up with five of my ultimate best friends in the Cameron Village Starbucks one last time before I moved to Costa Rica. At that point, my friends and I were known by just about every Starbucks worker, and if they had new people start, they got a crash course of our favorite go-to drinks. It was a brisk September day, the weather was slowly changing, and the leaves were starting to get some color in them. I realized that I wasn't just saying goodbye to some of my favorite people in the world, but also to the comfort that Starbucks had brought us for years—the happy dances that we would do after taking that first sip of our well-rewarded drink after a long day at school. To all the Starbucks workers who made the best freaking Iced Chai lattes with matcha, you have my heart. I have realized that so much love was poured into each and every drink; it may sound silly, but I will cherish those memories forever! To this day, whenever I go back home to Raleigh, my girls and I always make sure to go back to that Starbucks and reunite over our favorite drinks. It's always so nostalgic and brings up some of the best memories and more in the making. Crazy to think that it all started with three girls and their love for some caffeine. To the Starbucks on Cameron Street in Raleigh, North Carolina, you have my heart.

The song that encapsulates my year so far on Taylor's version of 1989 is "Welcome To New York." For the past three and a half years, I have been living in a pretty small beach town in Costa Rica and am now moving to San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. San Miguel is a city located in the desert of Mexico about three hours north of Mexico City. Just like Taylor, who embarked on a new chapter by venturing to a city to start anew, I will be doing the same. One lyric that resonates with me is "It's a new soundtrack, I could dance to this beat, beat forevermore." I relate to that because I am incredibly excited to embrace change and start afresh in my life. I aspire to continue crafting a life that consistently fills me with gratitude and awe, to the extent that I find myself needing a moment for a happy dance. Another lyric I appreciate is when Taylor sings, "Everybody here was someone else before and you can want who you want." I admire how she emphasizes the opportunity to reinvent oneself when moving to new places and encountering new people. This prospect excites me because it means I can elevate myself and embody whoever I aspire to be in this new city I am relocating to! Another song that forms a part of my soundtrack is Taylor's rendition of "Shake It Off." Physically shaking one's body is beneficial for the nervous system, something I already do when I'm experiencing pent-up emotions. However, I admire how Taylor presents this concept in a playful and lighthearted manner. Some days, I am more conscious of others' perceptions of me, while on others, I exude confidence. As I transition into 2024, I aim to maintain this energy of shaking off negativity or discomfort. Some lyrics from this song that resonate with me are "I'm dancin' on my own. I make the moves up as I go...can't stop, won't stop groovin'. It's like I got this music in my mind." I strongly relate to these lyrics because who doesn't enjoy having a solo dance party in their room, blasting music, and moving in every direction? Afterward, I inevitably find myself with the song I danced to stuck in my head for the remainder of the day—there's simply no other way. Kudos to Taylor for being the rockstar that she is, standing up for herself, and reclaiming her rights to her music. It's evident in subtle ways throughout the songs that she has finally been able to release them exactly as she envisioned them!

Since I started experiencing anxiety and dissociation a few years back, taking care of myself first has become a non-negotiable of mine. It has taken a lot of patience and self love to feel unexpected feelings and to not always get in my head. At the end of the day, I am human and still do fall down the rabbit whole, but by prioritizing myself this has helped my mental health greatly. My therapist said that people who experience anxiety thrive with routine. Each day is different and sometimes I do not have the time to do everything I need but I will always take time for the following. Some type of movement wether it be yoga, a walk with a podcast or dancing in my room. On days were my nervous system is shocked and I am feeling not the best I never want to push myself to hard, so I will do something super low impact or skip the movement. Secondly, I have the honor of living in a surf town where I am surrounded by an abundant amount of nature. I live five minutes from this incredible river and go there to soak up sun. This is key as it is a serotonin boost which is great for the mental. I thirdly, will journal out any unwavering thoughts, will pick a poem for the day and then continue to read whatever memoir or self-help book I am obsessed with. Prioritizing myself especially when my mental health is not doing the best is key. I take time to fill up my own cup so I then can go hang out with my girls which is healing in a whole other way. I believe being a part of a loving community is vital for peoples mental health. We all need to feel that we are apart of something and have people that love and care about us especially in the times when we may not feel like it. I am super thankful to be apart of a really great friend group where I can be completely myself. Wether I need to cry, rant, or take a moment to breathe, all of it is welcome. This has helped my mental health in so many ways as I use to feel really alone. Now I have my girls that are consistently there for me no matter what and that is something I always hoped for. I have more of a grasp on my mental health now than I did when I was completing my Associates degree, but I feel it did not have a negative impact on my school goals. If anything school gave me something to wake up too and do as well as helped give me structure which I thrive off of. I am thrilled that my generation is learning about how to manage our mental health in a healthier way. I have talked to my parents about it and they have expressed how people only believed someone had trauma due to catastrophic life events when in reality everyone processes things differently. A big reason I decided to go back to school and get my BA in Psychology is so I can go into mental health counseling. With this degree I want to help kids understand their mental health and how to help themselves thrive from it. There was a time I believed I would always be an anxious mess that could not keep my head on straight. Here I am writing a scholarship essay because I went back to school to help others, life is wild.

I started experiencing problems with my metal health when I was about seventeen. I experienced dissociating and believed I was insane because when I would try and put into words what I was feeling nobody understood. The dissociating was the whispers before my body started to scream. When I was eighteen I had been struggling with dissociating for about a year or so and still not understanding what was happening to me. One day I was scrolling on Instagram when I came across this woman's page were she advocated for anxiety and how it can present itself in the body; my mind was blown. She was the first person that put into words what I had been experiencing for over a year and I finally felt like I was getting somewhere. From then on I have started my journey inwards to help become more connected with myself, to learn how to process old traumas, and how to actually process emotions so they do not get stuck in the body. I say this because going through my own mental health struggles made me realize that I was put on this Earth to help people. It helped me connect with people that also dealt with anxiety and the many forms it likes to present itself in the body. It was healing as it reassured seventeen year old Ainsley that I was never crazy, I just did not know anyone else that was going through it and how common it is. With trauma being a hot topic in todays generation, it was extremely overwhelming as I navigated where to start when I started to experience symptoms of unresolved trauma. Experiencing it all is what shaped my beliefs around what healing was for me and what it can be for others. Healing does not fit in a box and different methods will help different people. How I know that I will be amazing in this job profession is I have always been the mama therapist of the friend group that people flock to for advice. I live by no judgement as it helps people feel comfortable to express what they really need to say. Secondly, I have been mentoring a teenage girl for a little over a year. She has struggled with depression the majority of her life, has had a rocky home life, and had no semblance of a routine for months before I started helping her. Little by little I watched her grow and flourish into this new version of herself. Not everyday was easy and sometimes I went home mentally exhausted but it has been extremely rewarding. I helped her form a routine, learn new hobbies such as baking, and got her to socialize more. Overtime she started wanting to be better for herself and it was beautiful to witness. I was ready to take my knowledge to the next level and decided to go back to school to get my BA in Psychology so I could get to the next step in my career. My method is to help people regulate their nervous systems with somatic practices. This can help people learn how to process emotions and how to continue forward with a better mentality rather than one that is all over the place. I am so thrilled to be able to help people not only be better for themselves but for their friends and family around them. You are the only one that can "save" yourself but we all need help along the way and I am so excited to be that help.

A favorite quote of mine that my yoga teacher has used is- "With passion pray. With passion make love. With passion eat and drink and dance and play. Why look like a dead fish in this ocean of God?" -Rumi. I turned to yoga when I started to struggle with anxiety for the first time in my life. The anxiety started manifesting into panic attacks and I felt very unsafe in my body all the time. I had been dissociating for about a year prior but had no idea what was happening to me until my body quite literally shut down. After high school I moved to the Osa Peninsula area in Costa Rica. This is the heart of the jungle which is filled with lots of people that work in the healing world. You have people that help facilitate plant medicine ceremonies such as Ayahuasca and Iboga to people that have a sixth sense in being able to tap into people energies and help you dive inward with healing past traumas. Being apart of such a conscious minded community I turned to a holistic approach to help myself become aware of why my body was reacting in scary ways and how to help myself move forward and take my power back. After diving inward for the past three years I knew that I wanted to help people that felt lost, scared, and anxious. I dealt with all three of those emotions and know how terrifying it can be. I have also always been the mama therapist of the friend group and felt that I had a gift that came naturally to me and should harness that power into a career. My career goals are to start out as a mental health counselor. I would then love to become a yoga instructor and to go back to school and get a Masters so I could be a licensed therapist. My dream one day is to have my yoga studio on one side of my office and my therapy studio on the other side. I believe that combining body based practices such as movement and somatic practices helps to bring the body into a regulated state where people can think clearer. I choose this career field because I want to help people just like people have helped me. I have been so incredibly blessed to find people that helped reassure me that I am not crazy and I want to be able to do the same for others. Navigating this world can be scary and I believe we all can benefit from getting help from time to time. I deserve this scholarship because this money would not only help ease financial stress but get me one step closer to paying off my classes. When I knew I was ready to go back to school I was really scared of digging myself into debt. With the help of this money you will be getting me one step closer to making an impact on people that are in need. Now back to the poem I started off with. This poem has been one that has stuck with me. It reminds me to be authentic in whatever I do. To be passionate with life and that nothing is truly mundane unless we make it that way. I believe being authentic in whatever you do is a superpower and with the help of this scholarship money you will be helping me get closer to fulfilling my purpose in this world.

The first time I ever left the United States was on a middle school field trip to Costa Rica and my mind was absolutely blown. We were there for a week and traveled to three different locations in the Arenal region of Costa Rica. The lush beautiful jungle combined with learning about the history and culture blew little fourteen year old Ainsley's brain up! This was the first time I had been out of everything I had known and was placed in an environment that was completely foreign to me. Fast forward to my senior year of highschool and everyone is wondering what schools you’re applying to and my answer was “I am moving to Costa Rica with my family and doing school online.” My parents had lived in North Carolina for twenty-three years and decided that it was time for a big change. With my dad owning his own online business it allowed us to be able to live wherever we wanted too. Due to the travel ban that was placed we were moving in blind to a place we had never visited once. On September 7th, 2020 we moved to Playa del Carmen Mexico while the Costa Rica borders were closed. The four months we lived in Mexico my dad and I got four diving certifications! I completed fifty dives within those four months and fell in love with the ocean. The crystal blue waters, the magnificent coral reefs, and the bodacious sea life was unreal. This was one of the many firsts that I experienced now that I was on this traveler path. Playa del Carmen is still quite touristy so I did not get a very authentic experience but it was eye opening to see how things differed in Mexico compared to the United States; such as the language, the driving, and the Mariachi music on repeat. Then came January 1st, 2021. My family and I were on the next adventure to where we would call home Uvita, Costa Rica. The jungle was lush and I had never seen so much green. The rivers and the ocean roared on and were powerful. I fell in love with how everything was so raw around me, the beautiful like-minded community and the fruit was out of this world. After experiencing life outside of the US I am constantly encouraging my friends to go see what else is out there. I believe it is very easy for people to get stuck in their ways and forget that there is a big world out there with tons of people you have yet to meet and experience you have yet to experience. Moving outside of your country is not for the faint of heart. It will be challenging as you are not in your comfort bubble anymore. It is not always easy but one of the coolest things about it is you can reinvent yourself. To this day I say moving out of the United States has changed me completely. The eighteen year old that was so excited to finally experience more outside of her bubble is now living a life she dreamed of. I have made friends from all over the world, I have experienced things I never thought I would go through and I have most importantly become the person I am today due to that leap of faith.