Mental health has been a very important thing to me throughout my life. My mom was the one who first inspired me to start my mental health journey because it is something she is very passionate about. She is currently enrolled in a master's level program for counseling. She has inspired me throughout my life, but especially during my time in high school. These four years have been a roller coaster for me, however, they have taught me how vital mental health is.
I used to be an extremely active person. I played three sports and my day consisted of waking up at 5 AM to lift, going to school, after school practice, and then more time either spent on the field or the court. It was very physically and mentally demanding, but I loved every second of it. I was a young kid playing travel softball with dreams to continue in college and the drive to make it happen. I showed up to my first season of high school ball and started varsity as a freshman and was on top of the world.
This all changed later freshman year when I was diagnosed with COVID-19 for the first time. Following the initial two weeks of quarantine, I spent two months homebound because of complications with my lungs and immune system. I hated being at home so much and I viewed it as a setback and I was ready to be done with it. After finally being released to go back to school and life I figured life would go back to normal and I could resume my previous intense schedule, but boy was I wrong.
After just one day I realized that school drained me so much. The first week was spent going straight home and napping for several hours and just feeling overall rotten. When I finally had the strength to make it through the school day I decided this was the time to get back at it. Little did I know running even just fifty meters was followed by severe chest pain. I was so broken. The thing I loved most in the world was ripped away from me. I couldn't swing more than a couple of times without having to sit down, my body couldn't handle the 5 AM lifts, and the thing I loved most seemed to be ripped away from me.
After trying over and over and finding nothing but pain and exhaustion I gave up. I decided to face the reality that it was gone. As a freshman in high school, this seemed like the end of the world. I couldn't keep up with the girls in practice let alone the standard I held myself to. My parents tried telling me it would take time, but that never really set in. Instead, I fell into a dark place. I didn't have many friends, I hated school and the fact that all I actually could do was school work, and I felt alone with no way to cope. I spent my afternoons sleeping or watching TV and everything just seemed pointless.
This lasted months until we finally hit summer. I spent the summer just kinda hanging out, however, my parents convinced me to go to this church camp. I tried so many ways to get out of it because I just wanted to stay home. I hadn't ever really been out by myself before and with my mental state the idea of it seemed like the end of the world. That camp changed my life. I made some of my best friends, who, even years later I still talk to. While at camp I had a huge realization that I was viewing this situation all wrong. Yes, this was a challenge, however, it was also a huge opportunity.
I came home and finally realized that it was okay that I couldn't keep up with the other girls because I would. The reality was and still is that my body cannot handle conditioning the way most coaches do it. So I went out and found my own way to condition. I involved testing my boundaries and when I exceeded them taking the appropriate time to rest. This took a long time and even now it is hard. However, I have put in the work and continue to and am happier than ever. I ended up getting Covid every year of high school which included many setbacks. However, I ended my high school career as an All-Region player in my junior and senior year and the Team MVP for my senior season. Another feat that would've seemed impossible my freshman year is that I had the honor of being the first person in our school's history to be a 2x All-State Choir member. Not bad for a kid with broken lungs.
I can be proud and thankful for all these accomplishments because I know what I went through to get where I am today. I went from a kid wondering if she would ever play sports again to a senior getting ready to commit to play college softball. The time that I went through my freshman year has forever changed me and who I am as a person. At that time I didn't see a way out. I felt lost and alone, but it was the moment that I decided to take control that changed the course of my life. Because of this time, I have decided to pursue a career in counseling. I believe that I have the perspective and experience to help so many kids. I'm going to leave off with something that Nido Qubein once said and that is, "Your present circumstances don't determine where you go; they merely determine where you start."