Currently, I have been reading the French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir. Her book The Coming of Age was published in 1972. It explores how aging is not only a biological process but an experience that comes together through an economic, social, historical, and cultural lens. Ultimately her argument is to acknowledge this regularly forgotten group. Bringing age into a place where the reader can see the old as full human beings. As well as define the experience that is old age. "When we are grown up we hardly think of our age anymore: we feel that the notion does not apply to us; for it assumes we look back towards the past and draw a line under the total, whereas in fact, we are reaching out towards the future, gliding on imperceptibly from day to day, from year to year. Old age is particularly difficult to assume because we have regarded it as something alien, a foreign species: 'Can I have become a different being while I remain myself?' 'false dilemma' people have said to me 'so long as you feel young you are young.' This shows a complete misunderstanding of the complex truth of old age: for the outsider, it is a dialectic relationship between my being as he defines it objectively and the awareness of myself that I acquire using him. Within me it is the other - is to say the person I am for the outsider - who is old: and that other is myself." Simone de beauvoir (1972)’The Discovery And Assumption Of Old Age; The Body’s Experience’ The Coming Of Age [Ch.5 p.283] This paragraph shows that old age is an ever changing social construct and not a fixed state. She depicts how people infinitely push off the definition of old age to the future. Never defining it in its current state. She changes this when she says "The other is myself" She is accepting that old age can be both in the future and your current state. This shows the undefinable and paradoxical nature of old age This supports the idea it is more than a biological process. Since each person, society, and culture can create their own definitions. In the line "Can I have become a different being while I remain myself." Shows there is multiple of herself though Depicting the self as three separate entities, there is a version of her that is seen by outsiders. There is herself. As well as her other self. She is showing that old age is defined within reconciling all three of the selves. In this text, she refers to "foreign" or "other" when speaking of the idea of old age. This is a necessary move, not only to simplify a complex idea but to show the way the old are characterized in society. The way we continuously distance ourselves from the idea. Shows how society also does the same to the old, when we are the outsiders. By expanding the idea of old age to not only a external experience,but also internal. Gives humanity back to those in the population usually discarded. When she describes the outsider "The him" in the text. There is a reflection through the outsider that gives her a deeper understanding into her state. Not only is it a biological process or an observable fact but also a state of mind reflected through your society. This shows the negative perceptions of aging can be changed. Viewing old as not a fixed point on a timeline or a time that is infinitely in the future. Creates a acceptance into what is right now. Without acknowledging "old age" in the self you are now, prevents the voices from being heard and contributes to society's mistreatment.

From day one I was kicking and screaming. My parents are more prepared since I was the second baby. Plus my mom's background in working for early childhood education. They knew something wasn't right. Doctors said I was just a fussy baby. I could only be held in one position otherwise you needed earplugs. I learned everything on time except to talk early. My early days consisted of violent outbursts. Doctors said it was normal for my age. My mom knew something wasn't right. As I reached my teen years I still had bursts of violence. Now I also had panic attacks, suicidal breakdowns, and a self-hatred that was ripping a hole through the center of me. My mother didn't want me to drive she was so scared I wouldn't be able to handle it. The learning was never the problem it was the social/emotional. Doctor after doctor claimed I had bad anxiety. I was not knowing what was wrong. Every emotion I felt I labeled as either anxiety or anger. Everyone telling me what I think I believed it. High school was so much harder. I used "social scripts" my whole school career talking at the table only about the assignments. To look like I was having conversations like other kids. I hid my true self behind clothes my older sister said were "cool." And a pound of makeup. Others started to catch on to my differences and didn't have a single friend. A therapist thought it was more than anxiety. Turns out it was a lot more than anxiety. It was OCD, Autism spectrum disorder-alexithymia subtype, ADHD, depression, and anorexia nervosa. Realizing how much this is for a little kind to deal with. Taught me to be empathetic to myself. I wasn't a bad person. I was disordered. Starting medication at age 18 truly saved my life. Little did I know that autistic people specifically women are way more likely to die by suicide than other groups. So I wasn't crazy everything had an explanation. I finally got the accommodations I needed at school. This stopped the violent outbursts. The way earplugs could prevent me from shattering windows and being hauled off by police. This is what I needed long ago. The heartbreaking thing is if I had been diagnosed earlier I most definitely wouldn't have anorexia which was a pound or two from killing me just two years ago at this time. I probably wouldn't have been so depressed and anxiety/ocd would have been way more managed. I feel guilty for how I treated my mother and the whole family. However, I can now see how much my mother loved me, to fight an entire failing system that was working against me. I want to dedicate my life to helping Autistic people and the mentally ill. Diagnoses truly save lives. I'm grateful for all of it since it made me who I am today.