My name is Addison Varley, and I am a seventeen year old high school senior. I think Kalia and I would relate in many ways, but our love of our sport maybe the most. There is not a time in my life that I can remember not playing soccer. I went to my first camp at four years old, decked out in a Mulan shirt, ankle socks, and shin guards the size of my head. Neither of my parents ever pursued soccer, at least not past elementary school. Me on the other hand? Soccer has basically been my whole life, regardless of whether my parents knew exactly what to do from the start. I've been busy with soccer for years. When I was little I played multiple different sports, joined clubs, took art classes, basically anything you could think of. When it came down to it, I chose soccer. I chose that I was going to dedicate my time and energy into the one thing I loved most. It certainly didn't come without drawbacks. I've missed hangouts, sleepovers, family events, and so much more because I had practice or a game or a tournament across the country. Despite all of this, I never quit. I never went back to another sport. Have I considered what it would be like without soccer, with some other life? Of course I have, but that doesn't mean I'd trade it for anything. Soccer has shaped who I am as a person. I've had coaches who've torn me down since before I even hit puberty. I've had coaches who have built me up and reinstilled my confidence. I've faced challenges, I've cried, I've hurt. I've learned that despite every outside influence, I am the one who has to decide my future. I can have the greatest coach in the world, but if I lose the confidence and passion, I'll never make it. I've always had extremely high expectations for myself, often unachievable. That doesn't mean I won't do everything I can to work toward them. My recruitment process was probably the most testing period of my soccer experience. I lost so much confidence and hope. Then, I finally committed to play at Bard College the August before my senior year. I was over the moon, I couldn't believe it was actually happening. Everyone says things will play out eventually, but I didn't believe them. With the offer, not only did I feel relieved, but I was so proud of what I'd been able to do for myself. All I wanted was to play the game I love for four more years, any amount of time I can play is what I will take. It took a lot to get where I am today, and I still have so much to look forward to and work towards. I am so excited to play collegiate soccer, but I also cannot wait for the academic and social aspect of college as well. I chose Bard college for its high level of academics, a place where I know I'll be getting a fabulous education and thriving. I also hope to go to graduate school, which means, when adding that to an already expensive liberal arts undergrad, the tuition adds up. This scholarship would help me pursue my dreams of becoming a clinical psychologist and making a difference in people's lives for the better. It would make my high goals that much more achievable, and hopefully, will make a difference in the world of mental health and mental illness.

Like many of my peers, I've experienced mental health issues that have made it more difficult in school, sports, and in my social life. I was eventually diagnosed with generalized anxiety, and have been taking steps toward bettering myself ever since. In a way, I suppose, I've overcome adversity- I've gone through my anxiety and made it out the other end, but at the same time, I'm still, and likely always will be, working through it. While my mental health may be better with the help of medication and therapy, I still have setbacks due to my anxiety and have to deal with life the same way everyone else does. The only difference, really, is my perception of life events that my anxiety-ridden brain creates for me. While other students may move on from a poor test grade relatively quickly, I berate myself for it and fear for my future. While other kids have bad games, I get in my head every time I mess up and constantly compare myself to everyone around me. While some may walk through the mall like a normal person, I'm aware of every kid my age passing me, judging me for whatever my brain makes me think is wrong about me. Normal, low-stress situations, become fight or flight for me. I guess what I truly hope to work on is making 'fight' a more consistent choice. While becoming a clinical psychologist may seem like the obvious choice for someone who struggles with mental health, it took me a while to figure out that it was what I wanted to do. In the beginning of my anxiety journey, I'm sure I really understood how to define it or categorize it. As I got to know myself better, I realized that there are sources around me to help. I realized I wanted to become one of those sources. Part of me believes that since I have to deal with the mental illness card, I may as well pass on my knowledge to others who need help. Not only that, but I can truly share in the experiences of my patients. I've always known that I wanted to help people in some way in whatever career path I chose. Psychology is something that comes naturally to me and interests me. It's a way that I can make a difference in the world. I hope to not only change the lives of individual patients, but to make a broader, more expansive difference through experiments and social influence. Mental health and illnesses are not treated nearly as seriously as they need and deserve to be. I want to help change the narrative and the stigma and come up with real solutions that help everyone.

Ever since I can remember, in ways that I didn't understand until now, I have dealt with anxiety. It wasn't necessarily as bad when I was little; I was very picky about certain things, shy around people, nervous. Around when I got into middle school, it turned into much more. It got to a point where I wasn't able to just deal with it on my own, and I had to see a therapist and take medication. My journey however, is ongoing, as is mental health issues themselves. I think I've always been pretty empathetic to people who struggle with their mental health, but actually going through such deep emotions myself makes it much easier to understand. My beliefs regarding education on mental health, taking it seriously, and doing much more research have thoroughly grown. Not nearly enough has been done to combat the issues that my generation seems to have more than any before. Mental health and illnesses are also still very taboo in some respects. Taking a psychology class and learning more about different illnesses has given me much more perspective, and I think knowledge about these struggles needs to become more mainstream. I believe that mental health needs to be treated the same as physical health. Having anxiety has made me feel closer to my parents and even more grateful to them, but also farther apart in some ways. My mom, for example, probably knows me better than anyone. She knows when something is going to stress me out, she often knows what my exact reaction will be. Likewise, my dad knows where my mind goes as well. Regardless, they still don't always understand how I feel, they can't rationalize it. I fully understand, because I know my anxiety is not rational, I can be the same way when my friends are stressing out about something. But when you know that there are just certain levels you can't connect with people on, can't fully express how you're feeling or what will make it better, it feels really isolating. It's nice to have some friends who feel similar things as me, it makes me feel a bit more sane. Yet even then, it's hard not to feel alone when your brain works differently than others'. I didn't know what I wanted my career to be for a long time, and, surprise, that stressed me out. I've never been okay with settling for just any job, I know I have to do something I'm passionate about, something I can love. The other requirement has always been that I must help people in some way, the more directly the better. I feel like by having the ability to shape my future career and life, I owe it to the world to give back. I don't know when exactly it struck me, but sometime in high school I had an epiphany. It was suddenly obvious to me: I was going to become a clinical psychologist. I thought, if the world was going to make me struggle through anxiety, I might as well use what I know and can understand to help other people. It's always easier to talk to someone who actually gets it. I took an AP Psychology class my junior year, and confirmed that I was genuinely interested in psychology. I know it's sort of an obvious choice, for me and for incoming college students in general, but I truly think I can make something of myself in this field, and help a lot of people. I may also consider some sort of research or having public influence to integrate mental health issues into people's minds a bit more. No matter what, I want to make a difference in this world. I have my good days, and I have my bad. Anxiety is something that will always be with me, but one of the most important things I've understood only just recently is that I am not my anxiety. I am so much more than it. I am a great student, a determined athlete, a kind and compassionate person, an artist, a baker, funny, trusting, honest, and so many more things. My goal for the next chapters of my life is to remind myself that anxiety doesn't need to own me or define me. I am my own person despite my challenges, and anxiety is just one of my things.

As a student athlete, you must have impeccable drive and composure. You can be a student athlete without these things, but you won't go very far. In my four years of experience playing soccer, I've gone through many challenges. Some things I've dealt with have been on the more trivial side, namely, time management. Going from seven hours of school to two hours to practice and then who knows how many hours of homework is not a simple feat. If you add to that having a social life and the expectations of being supportive of other athletes at school and participating in school-sanctioned events, there's not much room to breathe. It's a lot. The three or so months of high school season are a whirlwind of practices, games, and team events. It can be rewarding and gave me some of my favorite memories, but it wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Some student athletes call it quits after high school season and all of a sudden have loads of free time. Others, like myself, move into club season. This may only mean three practices a week as opposed to pretty much every day with high school, but that by no means makes it any bit of a break. Many club players have to travel a decent distance just to get to practice. Personally, my drive to practice this winter has been at least half an hour, which doesn't sound too bad, until said practice is scheduled 7:30-9:00 on three school night. That becomes a lot, and of course there comes game season and tournaments to add to that as well. Being a dedicated athlete and a good student is really hard, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. For all my sore muscles and tough early morning wake-ups, I would never want to not play soccer the way I do. I also would not trade my drive to do well in school. There comes a point where you have to acknowledge the challenges that come with being a student athlete and decide whether you love your sport enough to face them. I undoubtedly do. What's great about being a student athlete is that I've learned more than I could ever even express. With soccer, I've learned how to work with people, how to win and lose, and how to have the drive to want to win no matter what. I've also learned how easy it is to get in my own head, and how individual the game can be. It doesn't matter if everyone in the world believes in me if I don't believe in me. Soccer isn't just a game, it is something that has hugely shaped me as a person. With the 'student' part of student athlete, I've learned to work hard and reap the results. I've learned that knowledge is power and education is something I should never take for granted. I've also learned that I don't always need to be perfect, and grades really shouldn't hold the power over me that they do. I'm an excellent student, and there is so much I've learned as a student, not just in the course outline, that I'll use for the rest of my life.

Being a student athlete is such a unique experience. It requires a certain level of dedication and drive. Going from seven hours of school to two hours of practice to who knows how many hours of homework means you need grit and passion. Both of those things I have. Since I was little, I have been extremely dedicated to both my academics and athletics. I've always strived to have the best grades possible and to be the strongest soccer player I can. Throughout my student athlete experiences, I've learned a lot, and it has shaped who I want to be in my future. I didn't know for a long time what I wanted my career to be. I had so many likes, but none of them seemed to fit into a job description that I could be passionate about. The one thing I've always known is that I want to help people in some way, whether direct or indirect. In a way, simply being me and doing what I love allowed me to find that career path. I have general anxiety disorder, which affects most things, and certainly does not exclude school and soccer. While I've always prided myself on my good grades, that eventually turned into perfectionism that makes it hard for me to accept anything other than success. Likewise, in soccer, a bad game can really screw with my head and put me in a funk. All of this eventually added up to a lightbulb moment. One day I just knew. I wanted to be a psychologist, specifically clinical. I've always been good at giving advice, and I enjoy it. Not only that, but I know personally how difficult it is to struggle with mental illness, especially in a society that still doesn't accept it the way they should. I am a very empathetic person, which can hurt at times because I feel so deeply, but it also allows me to be the person someone goes to when they need help. It is satisfying and makes me feel proud to know that my friends can and will rely on me. Now I know that my passion is in psychology, and I'm not sure exactly where it's going to take me, but I know I can do good with it. In addition to all of this, I have so many other passions. I decided to remain a student athlete for the next four years, but at a division three level so I not only receive a fantastic academic and athletic experience, but I can pursue my other interests as well. I love reading and writing, drawing, baking, I even had a passion for acting when I was younger. There are so many sports and activities I dream to try. With my college experience, I think I can begin to pursue many different passions, and even more in the future. Being a student athlete has its limits, but it's also one of the most rewarding experiences a kid can have, and I'm so excited to continue it in college.

I first learned of Chappell Roan when she opened for the Olivia Rodrigo concert I went to. Unlike most artists, I was immediately drawn to her music despite not knowing any of the words. When she sang "HOT TO GO!" and got everyone out of their seats to participate in the dance, I knew that she would be big. Chappell has this energy about her that makes people want to listen. She is unapologetically herself no matter what, and that inspires me. Her music can be both fun and impactful at the same time. It's like she's teaching you a lesson and you don't even know it. Chappell has received quite a bit of criticism recently, but I still support her career because I can tell that she is really just a young girl who wants to live out her dreams. Chappell is something different from a lot of current artists, she has a brand but you can tell it isn't superficial. She does not dress in drag and wear insane outfits just to get people talking about her, she does it because that's who she is. She is flamboyant and loud and represents that all the time. Chappell's career is going to be big, that is obvious to me. I am happy to support her because not only does she bring fun with her everywhere she goes, she also incites important conversations and stands up for what she believes in. Chappell inspires me to not take everything so seriously but to also be serious about what I am passionate about.

As someone with anxiety, my mental health has made my academic performance and personal life pillars of my life in which I can never reach the top. I am someone who is already a perfectionist and who wants to succeed, and anxiety has only enhanced those qualities. I continue to struggle to be perfect and am let down every time I realize I've failed. I put more pressure on myself than anyone else in my life does, and in the end, I am my own biggest enemy. When it comes to academic performance, I am the epitome of the need for academic validation. As a kid, school was always pretty easy for me. I was in the highest level of everything all the time, reading way beyond other kids in my class and learning algebra in the fourth grade. I bore my intelligence with pride; I liked being the smart kid because other kids looked up to me and asked me for help. I don't think it was ever really a vanity thing, it wasn't me trying to be better than anyone else. What it really was was me trying to be perfect. Now in my senior year of high school, I'm still one of the smart kids. I take all honors and AP classes, and my friends still frequently come to me for help with their assignments. The difference is that I no longer coast through school. In reality, I know that is a good thing, that classes began to actually challenge me. It benefits me more than if I wasn't challenged at all. Rationally I can comprehend this, but there's always a loud voice in my mind that takes over, telling me that I'm really just a faded-out gifted kid. I put so much pressure on myself to get good grades that it feels like the end of the world when I don't. I am not trying to beat everyone else, no, I am trying to beat my past self. Anxiety also impacts my personal life more than I could ever fully express. It creeps into my relationships and pushes me away from people. My anxiety sometimes prevents me from putting myself out there and trying new things. I hold myself back from having fun because I am so entranced by what other people might think. I don't have a friend that I tell everything because I am afraid of letting myself out. I don't often talk to new people because I fear what they will think of me. I do have good friends, and I am not fully detached from my social life, but I really do struggle with it quite a bit. I am annoyingly self-conscious and insecure, and it impact every little thing that I do. I can't remember being like this as a kid, so afraid of other people. I often wish I could go back to that child-like naivety that made everything easier. More recently than ever I've been taking steps to make my mental health a priority. Granted, they are small steps, but still steps. I see a therapist which challenges me to open up and let things be uncomfortable. I've also been trying to give myself some grace when I don't get the perfect grade. Maybe most importantly, I have worked to participate in my last year of high school, regardless of whether I feel silly or uncomfortable. I've found that I feel better after the fact than had I not tried at all. Anxiety is a constant battle for me, so I can only hope to make progress every day.

I have dealt with anxiety for the majority of my life. While I may not remember it being as prevalent as it is now when I was younger, I know it has always been there. I'm not sure overcoming anxiety is necessarily something I can ever achieve. Maybe I can find better ways to deal with it, make it one of my somethings rather than everything. Regardless, it's never going to be a hurdle I can look back on, left in the past. Anxiety is living and breathing, growing as I grow. I hope to best my anxiety in a way, to let it have less of an impact on my life, but I don't think I've gotten there yet. Just because I am still burdened by anxiety doesn't mean I haven't made progress. I now see a therapist bi-weekly and take medication that helps limit my stress. Neither of these things have "fixed" me, but they are big steps for someone who doesn't like asking for help. I continue to try to be more open about anxiety, to not only teach myself but others. I'm also searching for the relationships in my life that allow me to open up and make progress. One of the biggest boundaries in anxiety is the battle between wanting and yet not wanting to get better. It's a slippery slope for someone who fears what their life would be like without anxiety. That is one of the biggest things I am working on: fully wanting to be better and not allowing my fear to get in the way. As I've come to understand mental health more and more, I've realized what I want to do with my life. I always knew I wanted to help people, but I was never sure on the specifics. Dealing with my anxiety was actually a door opening to a passionate career. I plan to study Psychology as my undergrad and go to graduate school to focus on Clinical Psychology. I want to pursue talk therapy as someone who shares a lot of experience with the clients. I have always been good at giving advice, and I am unquestionably empathetic. I think it is important that I will be able to relate to my clients and talk to them as someone who has felt trapped as well. I hope to further de-stigmatize mental health and encourage more study be done with it. I also hope to make an impact on other issues like school shootings and suicide prevention through my mental health study. No matter what, I just want to make people feel like they are not alone, like they can win this battle. Those with mental health issues are becoming the majority, and I want to find a way to make their lives a bit more bright.

Olivia Rodrigo is the epitome of teenage rage. She expresses what we all feel: our anger, sadness, frustration, that we're not enough. In her song 'pretty isn't pretty,' Olivia sings, "I started to skip lunch, stopped eating cake on birthdays. " This lyric resonates with me so much that I felt like I was hearing my own thoughts as she sang. I think it's really easy to look and seem okay on the outside, but we're all raging at least a little bit on the inside. This lyric is something so simple, so easily overlooked as a typical teenage girl thing, but as the saying goes, 'if you know you know.' Unfortunately, I know. I've struggled with my body image for a long time, before I even knew what body image was. I always felt a slight discomfort in my body, but that has evolved into so much more. As I've gotten older, all I've felt for my body is hatred. It makes me so disappointed and embarrassed to even write that, but it's true. I look at myself in the mirror and just wish I looked like my friends and teammates. That need eventually grew so much that I decided to try and make an active change in my lifestyle to achieve the body I want. It started with counting my calories my freshman year of high school. My goal was 1,400 as a year-round athlete. Logically, I knew that this amount of calories was far lower than what I needed to sustain the lifestyle I had. That's why I often failed in achieving my goal, and hated myself at the end of every day. I would look up the calories for a single grape to make sure I was counting everything. It was obsessive and unhealthy. I never looked like I was restricting, I didn't get crazy skinny or sick, but it was still happening. I still have disordered eating and thoughts. Food for me is something I feel like I don't have control of. All I hear is food noise, and my restricting has turned into trying to eat healthy and then binging. As an athlete, I know that I need good sustenance, even more than non-athletes, and that's hard to accept. I relate to Olivia's lyric because I've held myself back from so much because of food and an obsession with my body. I've missed out on fun and made myself miserable because of it. As someone with anxiety, I never feel like I have a lot of control. Eating disorders basically feed off of that distress and use food as the control. So many people suffer from this, and yet it still isn't taken as seriously as it needs to be. The media abuses the power they have by making teenagers feel horrible about themselves. Our experiences as teenagers are often overlooked, but we struggle just the same as anyone else, if not more, and that needs to be heard. I truly hope that someday I can find a way to be body positive and not let food and my body consume my life. It will take so much work and opening up, and maybe I'm not there yet, but I will be one day. I will be, because I have no intention of living a half life. I will not let this be my story, ruin all things good. In 'Guts (spilled),' Olivia seems to take on a bit more confidence in some of her songs. I hope for her sake that she is healing, and that I can follow the same path myself.

I have generalized anxiety disorder, something that's always really been there, but that I didn't know of until I was a teenager. Having mental health issues has allowed me to understand other people more and be as empathetic as possible. I know that everyone is facing hidden battles because I also face more than people see. Anxiety has certainly tangled with my relationships, making it more difficult for me to reach out, but it has also strengthened my confidence that those closest to me have my back. It gives me the utmost comfort to know that there are people around me who can see the signs of me struggling when it isn't as obvious to others. As a student, athlete, friend, and simply a member of society, my anxiety has impacted me in so many ways. Whether that is putting too much pressure on myself, being afraid to speak up, or not trying as many new things, I've been through it all. However, my anxiety has taught me perseverance and an appreciation for the little comforts in life. I still struggle, and I always will to some extent, but I want to battle every thought telling me 'no' and finally say 'yes' for once. I want to be in the moment, not thinking in the past or future. I deserve to feel at peace, and that is what I am working towards. I didn't know what my career path was going to be for a long time. As you can probably assume, that made me anxious. All I knew was that I really wanted to help people in some way. It didn't have to be grand, just enough that I would know I was making a difference in someone's life. Once I finally began seeing a therapist, I realized I had found my calling. I've always been good at giving advice, and I finally understood what I was meant to do. I hope to combat this mental health epidemic we are facing and provide people with the help they need. I want to make sure more research is put into mental health studies so that it gets the attention it deserves. I also desperately want to make sure that mental health issues are not scoffed at or stigmatized any more. We all deal with our stuff, some of us just have a diagnosis. No one should ever feel crazy for what they are feeling, or like they can't talk about it. The world needs more kindness, acceptance, and forgiveness, and I hope that through my career, I can contribute to that.