I clawed desperately at my throat, gasping and reaching, but I just could not feel the air. My chest ached from trying to get the oxygen in and out of my lungs. “Just calm down and breathe,” Coach would say, “You need to get in better shape.” She stood there with her hands on her hips, with that look on her face like she was annoyed. I fell to the ground, my head pounding.
Ignorant coaching, summer conditioning, and lack of a diagnosis resulted in scenarios like this almost every day for me when I played volleyball. Before I knew of my condition, I couldn’t understand why everyone was so far ahead of me in terms of endurance. It just came so easy to them, and I was always in the very back breathing loudly and passing out. I know now that I wasn’t out of shape, but that’s what I had always assumed was wrong with me. I had played sports my whole life - I could lift weights and play my sport perfectly fine. It was the sprints and countless laps around the football field that destroyed me. I incessantly felt like I was drowning on land.
I have Vocal Cord Dysfunction (VCD), or laryngeal dysfunction. VCD is the abnormal closing of the vocal cords often when breathing or speaking. It has similar symptoms to asthma; however, they are not identical. VCD involves immense difficulty breathing in oxygen while asthma deals with difficulty breathing it out. Imagine running a marathon or doing sprints while breathing only through the pinpoint of a coffee straw.
I was diagnosed in the fall of 2023 - my sophomore year of high school. That was also the last time I played volleyball. I’m a junior now. I quit for a lot of reasons, most of them involving the coach. She refused to take my condition seriously. This happened often, I guess because the condition was much less common than conditions like asthma. When we ran Trojan Miles, or laps around the football field combined with the bleachers, my coach wouldn’t let us stop unless we beat the time of our previous lap. All of us struggled with this, but I consistently did around seven or eight before she allowed me to collapse on the field.
With my diagnosis, I was prescribed an inhaler to use before any physical activity. I starkly remember my first time running after using the inhaler, it was like floating. It was incredible. I ran until my legs ached. Previously, I couldn’t run until my legs were tired because my lungs always gave out first from trying to heave the air through my throat. All of that extra energy I was used to putting towards breathing was suddenly available. I felt like I was flying.
My journey with VCD was incredibly challenging for a very long time, but I'm very glad I had the experience. I’m proud of myself. Despite feeling like I was making no progress in comparison to everyone else, I continued to work hard to better myself. VCD taught me the value of slow, steady progress, and also that everyone deals with issues on different levels, even if it is not apparent. From the outside, I just seemed like a lazy, out-of-shape athlete, but I was actually struggling with a problem that not even I was aware of. VCD forced me to persevere and focus on myself even when I wanted to give up. I am not defined by my condition, and it is not my enemy. For me, VCD was a blessing in disguise.