Therapy is necessary. No matter what an individual's background is, whether they live a life of struggle and pain or a life of fortune and ease, therapy is essential to understanding how to overcome adversity and prepare for the future. I can honestly say that my journey with self-love had not really started until July of 2020 when I found a therapist to help me with my mental illness and past trauma. After years of suppressing issues related to anxiety, OCD, and bipolar depression, I came to terms with the fact that if I did not help myself and learn to love myself, in spite of my problems, that I would ruin every good relationship I had. To say that my journey has been difficult would be an understatement. My journey of loving myself and prioritizing my needs has been the hardest thing I have ever endured; however, I began reaping the benefits of self-love the day I began talking to a therapist. I remember the relief I felt pouring my heart out to someone who I knew could help me find tools to combat my daily internal struggle, and I am now utilizing those tools constantly. My relationship with my mom is healing from long years of grief and misunderstanding, my siblings and I have never been closer, and my long-term partner and I have developed amazing communication skills. I am a better student and worker because my time-management and school-related stress have improved significantly. Insecurity, the fear of reaching out for help, and the stigma that surrounds mental health are what hinder our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones. I am not without hard days, especially when I experience episodes related to my mental illness, but I have learned that it is so easy to love others and give attention to their needs when I love myself first. I have learned to use my traumas as a source of inspiration that I incorporate in my art and writing. I have set boundaries in my relationships and known when to dedicate time to myself. Most importantly, I feel like I am living, rather than existing. My outlook on life has changed drastically in the past several months, and I owe it to my beautiful body and driven mind. Compliments are so easily given to others, but they need to be given to ourselves too. Self-love definitely requires work, but it pays better than any other job a person could have.

Feminism is a word that makes some feel empowered and others cringe in disgust. I have dedicated many of my artistic projects over the years to the idea of feminism being an intricate and important part of my personal life, especially how I identify myself. While I have already painted, drawn, and sculpted different pieces related to the female body and experience, I am always yearning for a new opportunity. I want to create a series of digital and painted portraits of strong women, both real and fictional, that embody what it means to be empowered and confident in one's abilities. I want my art to tell a story about overcoming adversity, whether it be sharing an experience of discrimination based on the premise of sex or overcoming the trauma of sexual assault. As a woman who has been raised by a single mom, I am deeply connected to female role models. My experience with endometriosis, a chronic illness involving the female reproductive system, made me dependent on other women, such as medical professionals and therapists, in new ways. In the past few years of my life, I have prioritized building a support system of women who can empathize with me, and it has changed my perspective on life for the better. I came to realize that these people, whom I treasure, are the ones that inspire me to create and express my femininity in ways that are not always appreciated in a patriarchal society. My sexual assault in 2020 stifled much of my creativity; however, art became a method of therapy for me, rather than just a hobby. Because of my past, I better understand who I am as a person and the message I want to convey to others. Finding my own voice as a woman who enjoys the arts, politics, and literature has been rather complicated, but I hope that through my series of portraits, women in my community and on social media will have a better understanding of the power in speaking their truth and the beauty of sharing their stories through utilizing their own talents. I want others to see that creating is one of the most powerful ways to communicate with the world.

I have never been one for New Year's resolutions until 2021 came to be. After a long, disastrous year that stifled my creativity and put an end to many college art projects, I decided to make one goal for the new year that would keep me feeling motivated and excited. This year I am determined to learn how to use digital art platforms such as ProCreate, Adobe Illustrator, and Adobe Photoshop. While much of my art is in the form of painting, drawing, and ceramic sculpture, I have always been interested in trying new mediums. Learning to use technology for art is especially important in the present time because technology is evolving so rapidly for various career fields. Even though I am going to school for teaching, I want to continue my passion for art as long as possible. I am fortunate enough to have access to an Adobe account through my university; however, using the artistic applications on a computer can be more complicated than having a device like an iPad with a stylus. A grant could be incredibly useful for obtaining new artistic skills. I would be able to spend the money on an iPad and the ProCreate Application. My goal is to practice creating digital art enough to where I can open an Etsy shop and sell prints. Being able to sell my art as another source of income will not only help me pay off school loans and other bills but also help me gain recognition among the art community. Attracting the attention of consumers and other artists can possibly provide me with freelance artist jobs. The money from a grant could be used for photo paper, printing resources, and shipping costs for my Etsy shop. My hope is that by learning to use new mediums, I will be able to teach my future students to use them as well. I envision my classroom as a place for children to acquire skills with confidence and know they have a teacher who encourages them to learn new things, ask questions, and feel inspired to create.

On December 19th of 2019, I went into surgery very early in the morning. I was eighteen at the time and had been struggling with symptoms related to endometriosis, an illness that riddled my body with pain on a daily basis, since the age of fifteen. While I knew my body better than anyone and was sure that endometriosis was the cause of my aches and grief, I was wheeled into the operating room to get a definitive answer. After what seemed to be a mere minute, but was actually a few hours, I awoke in a recovery room. My surgeon confirmed that I had a black spot of endometriosis on the side of my uterus. The spot was responsible not only for my constant state of pain but also for the cysts that had previously formed on my ovaries. As a young woman barely starting college, I was both relieved and terrified to hear the news. I had done enough research on my own time to know that one in ten women is diagnosed with endometriosis, and there is no cure for the disorder. Even though I was fortunate enough to hear an answer about my condition, it was that day that I sadly acknowledged I was, indeed, chronically ill. Finding out that I have endometriosis altered my perspective on life. Hearing that there is no solution to the endless cramps, hot flashes, nausea, headaches, etc. is rather depressing. I spent days feeling heartbroken over the fact that what I had experienced up until my diagnosis is what I would be experiencing for years to come. I wanted, and still want more than anything in the world to become a mother, but my chances are lower than the average woman. I was reminded of a post I saw online that read, "people with endometriosis are existing not living." The quote resonated deep within me because I allowed my mind to be so consumed in my pain and struggle that I had felt empty inside. That emptiness was not how it feels to be living. I still take the occasional moment to feel sorry for myself, but I have learned that accepting this part of my life would be the only thing I could do to go from existing to living. I have always been a profound feminist, and finding ways to empower other women, as well as myself, has been a lifelong mission of mine. By raising awareness about endometriosis and connecting with other chronically ill women online, I have noticed so much positive change in my life. Accepting my own hardships while simultaneously understanding that many people encounter worse illnesses without the support of their loved ones led me to the decision that I should never take my life for granted. I have a wonderful doctor, therapist, family, friends, and fellow endo warriors to depend on when life gets tough, and that is all I could ever ask for. Having a perspective of gratitude with the intention of using my experience to encourage others and empathize has turned me into a more optimistic and ambitious woman. My attitude is what gets me through the day, what has contributed to my high grades and work ethic, and what makes me feel purposeful. I know that as a future teacher, and hopefully mother, I will impact the lives of others by giving children of various experiences and differences a place to feel safe and heard. Chronic illness is something I would never wish upon a single soul; however, I would never have been the woman I am without it.