I didn't grow up with a father. Because of this, my life has been permanently altered. From the way I interact with men to walking down the aisle alone, going to daddy-daughter dances with my uncles, and lying awake at night praying to God to tell my Dad that I hoped he was okay. Even though my Father died when I was very young, I rarely felt my life lacked something. Sometimes I was told stories about my Father, without any memories of my own, they merely created a faint image of a man, but not my Father. Growing up with a Mother and a Sister heightened my appreciation and respect for women. So if I have a short fuse when it comes to men or a corruptive view of fathers, maybe growing up without one made me a different person. Experiencing loss so early in life contributed to my pessimistic views. But it is just a fact that almost anything bad can be blamed on a man. I feel that I am different from others because of the way I think. Perhaps I am stronger and more intelligent but I also may be more miserable. I have heard it be said that the smartest people are the most miserable. I have developed a stronger resilience as a person because of living with anxiety and depression for the majority of my life. My anxiety started noticeably when I was five. My Father's death instilled in me the concept of death. Or a small piece of it. That part of my life showed me that humans are fragile, and anyone even a seemingly healthy person can drop dead and never be seen again. It took a long time for me to see my Father in another light. Later in elementary school, he became someone to talk to. Late at night, I would pray to God to send messages to my Father, wherever he was. I wanted to tell him that my Mom and Sister were doing alright and that we were okay. I wished he could be with us and that he was safe and happy. I’d come to him with all my problems and life updates. I worked hard in school so he could be proud of my achievements. Getting ahold of my anxiety left me able to contend with school. I learned to appreciate an environment where all students felt so equal. Even if I didn't have a dad at home, nobody needed to know that. Academics didn't care about that. I could compete with my peers by grasping at education. And in that aspect in high school, I saw education as a way to better myself and push myself. I like to think that my Dad is proud of me, wherever he is. But more than that I know he is.