Being a first-generation, firstborn child has made my life difficult, confusing, and independent all at the same time. First-generation means I have the pressures of making sure I always seem American enough to my non-immigrant friends. It meant reading my parent's tax records and complicated bills since I was 5 years old, to help them. It meant thinking that just because my parents have a thicker accent than I did; I was somehow smarter than the multiple degrees they possessed. At the same time, being the firstborn child meant that I wasn't allowed to talk about my struggles with my family.No one in my family could understand or help with the contradicting identities I faced on a daily basis. The guidance I couldn't have was passed onto my brother through me. All the English lessons, cultural shock, and expectations from two countries; were all the things I helped my younger brother with. Yet, I never had anyone to do so for me. From learning grammar to now the college application process; I have always had to put in more effort with less help. In my school environment, it still means to this day that I don't have all the information and resources as everyone else. Physically, it meant that I was always exhausted and multitasking. But by far it affected me most mentally. Being the firstborn, firstborn child means having a constant feeling of both shame and guilt. Shame for thinking that my Indian immigration makes me any less worthy of opportunity and respect. Even more shame for thinking that my, now fading, accent was anything less than a valuable piece of me. More importantly, is the feeling of guilt. The immense guilt of knowing that my struggles are nothing compared to that of my parents, and the hurt I’ve caused them by being embarrassed by our own skin color. However, at the end of the day, I also have so much personal growth from these experiences. I might have had more responsibility and stress, but it also gave me more character-growth and reflection than most.

My role model is Lilith, the first demon, from Jewish folklore and biblical texts. Now, I don't find the interpretations of her killing babies in these texts anything I want to be looking up to. But, instead, her refusal to be subservient even if it meant sacrificing everything is admirable. The texts on the history of her differ over time. But in the latest interpretation, Lilith is the first wife of Adam and is made of the same soil as him. Knowing this, she refuses to submit to Adam and his moods. God gets angry at this and she gets kicked out of Eden. Demanding equality meant her life changed for the worse, yet she stood by what she believed in. Her story had shaped my beliefs. She inspired me to not stand down to inequality I might face because of gender, race, or simply just my existence. This belief has led to my work in advocacy. I started and lead an entire city chapter of March for Our Lives due to my strong belief and personal experience with school shootings. Not only did Lilith inspire me, but also give me direction and courage for my passions.