When things go wrong most of us have someone we can look to for strength and support; someone we know will be there in an emergency. What happens that person you want most turns into the very thing you’re afraid of? 2020 was a rough year for us all. The levels of fear, uncertainty, and confusion were heightened in ways that we had never experienced. I was in my second quarter of my freshman year at college when it was announced that effecting immediately we had to park up our things and trudge back home states away. Some of my classmates were annoyed. Some were confused, and I, above all else was terrified. My father was sick. He’s had diabetes my entire life and as he got older his body started to protest. In the years leading up I watched as he is kidneys stopped working properly and he required dialysis, as COPD took hold and he required oxygen, as the man who would lift me over his head in his strong arms started to slow and weaken. Every news article and every channel told me day after day that if the virus reached my house hold he would be the first to die. And I could be the carrier that seals his fate. My father was a nurse. And if you asked him he might say he was a comedian. After all laughter is the best medicine. My dad never failed to have a stupid joke or crazy story on hand absolutely dripped charisma wherever he went. Being a manual shy and anxious kid, I admired that about him. It was amazing to watch this man work. One day in particular as my family was heading to dinner, we were stopped as my dad spotted something was off as we drive through a close by neighborhood. A man sat in the yard, delirious and bleeding after a bad accident. And it took no time for my dad to snap into action, take my scarf to tie a tourniquet, can call 911. Amazingly this man has gone from shocked and confused to laying along with me dad as the ambulance arrived. Healing s was certainly his super power. Unfortunately real life super heros rarely come with invulnerability and it would turn out that my dad could heal just about anyone but himself. When I came came home from school my dad looked right through me. The bear hug and beaming smile I had come to expect was replaced by a vacant stare as if he was suddenly to sick to know who I was. I knew then that it was the beginning of the end. And a month latter I lost my father as his oxygen suddenly seemed to be little help to him anymore. And he spoke the last words I’d ever hear from him: “Oh god, help me.” I cannot express how my heart shattered watching him suffering and afraid knowing there is nothing I could have done to ease his pain. I gave him a kiss on the forehead and watched the paramedics take him away. My entire family was crushed. And unfortunately my school will not give leeway to missing class for any reason so I plummeted from an honors student to nearly failing. I didn’t think I could go on because the one person I would want to talk to about something so scary and devastating was already gone. But of course, my dad was never one to lay down when things were hard and he taught me to do the same. From the very start, my dad supported my dreams of being an artist and an animator. He bought me fancy color pencils and how to draw books. He listened to me talk about my characters and my stories. He’s take me to movies and as I starred up at the credits, watching all the names go by he would lean over and whisper in my ear “that’s Gonna be you one day”. My dad taught me about resilience, about kindness, about finding laughter in the hard times, and most of all he believed in me. It’s those words and those lessons that I chose to focus on every. I’m approaching my senior year in college now. I’m an animation major, with a drawing minor and I’m on the deans list. With every shirt film I create I’m moving one step closer to my goal and it’s so because I had my dad in my corner. One day my make really will be up on that big screen and when I see it I’m going to look up to the sky and say, “Look dad, I did it” And I know he’ll be smiling down on me.

“Oh…” In almost any scenario, this is not something that is followed by good news. Those two letters and three dots caused my heart to sink into the floor as my self worth seemed to evaporate. Like any young kid in the early 2010’s, I spent a lot of time on the internet. During this time I made a lot of new friends as we bonded over our interests in drawing, art and animations. Everyday after school my new friends and I wrote back and forth about how to draw anime eyes, weather Superman could beat Goku in one on combat, and what shows we were watching yet. It didn’t take long before we apart of each other daily lives just enjoying what the other had to say. We would write stories together, and come up with crazy characters to draw. One of the benefits of online friendship was for shy kids like me it took away the pressure of being face to face. Instead we all were simply profile pictures of our favorite characters from our favorite shows. And i had gotten a wonderful idea. I spent hours drawing the perfect set of colorful anime eyes and cut them out carefully to wear over my own. This new picture would be my profile picture and I couldn’t wait for my friend to see just how cool they turned out. Sure enough, after school I had a comment on my new profile picture. It would be the first time he’s ever seen my face. “Oh… I didn’t know you were black.” Is all he wrote. I had never considered it would be something worth mentioning. And just like that, I lost a friend. He disappeared from chats, he disappeared from my friends list, and the story we had started would never find and ending. When he assumed I looked like him, we perfect friends but the hatred he was taught over ruled all of it. I never stopped drawing. I never stopped writing stories. But I did stop blaming myself. Now I am on the deans list receiving my B.F.A. In animation and my minor in drawing. My goal is to use my creativity to uplift stories of black kids like me. That way no one would have to feel left out or less than simply because of their skin. Because beneath it all, we are not so different.