Ever since I could have a rationalized thought fear was knocking at my door. This was due to a panic disorder that affected me from a child all the way to my teenage years now. What happens is my brain sometimes gets confused with reality and fiction so it causes me to fear things that are going to happen to me. For example when one would watch a horror movie about getting attacked some would be able to realize it’s fake, but I would be consumed in fear since I thought it was going to happen to me. Living in fear was as bad as a child since I was still new to the world so I didn’t know many things, although when I reached middle school it hit hard. Making friends were hard due to the fact I was told to keep it a secret and they would question why I can’t watch or do certain things. So I had very little friends I was learning a lot of different things like one was rare diseases that I thought would happen to me same with new horror movies, shows, and things that could harm an individual. This lead to a climatic feeling of depression and suicidal thoughts. I felt as though it wasn’t living at this point but surviving trying to get through day. I tried going to therapy in 8th grade but it didn’t feel right to me. The one thing that did help was my faith, when I trusted God I felt that I was safe and that’s what got me out of the depression and multiple panic attacks a day. Was my growing faith after a mission trip. Since my mindset was God hated me and was punishing me I was very far from God or so I thought. Then I went on a mission trip to Colorado and it helped me realize God needed me to go through the darkest valley to help people. After I came home I lead a Bible study and other activities in our youth group. Thought this process I got emails and texts how I had helped them when they were going through depression and low times. I felt inspired to become a Pastor due to these texts and emails. I want to start more groups in the Christian community for mental health since a lot of the time people in these communities judge individuals with mental health. I want to give them a place where they feel loved and comforted.

I have been through a lot in my 17 years on this earth with dealing with loss, toxic relationships, and helping others. But music has always been their to help me get through those moments. I am a now a Christian and have grown so much. The song that inspires me the most is My Lighthouse by Rend Collective it's a song that no matter what storm you face in life Christ will find a way to shine his light through the storm. I have listened to this song crying on my bed feeling broken and I have listened to this song with Joy knowing God will always be with me. In many situations this song applies to my life it not only inspires me but it kind of tells my story when I was lost and broken, then Christ comes into the picture and shows his love in my storm and rescues me.

The Bible, I have been reading the Bible on a daily basis for almost over half a year and there is still so much I can learn form the book. Not only does it have empowering stories it helps deal with our turmoil each day. I have friends who don't believe in God who tell me that the Bible is an amazing book for giving morals and how people should act towards others. This book has not only helped me grow as a person but helped the people around me. I have gained a lot of knowledge from reading this book that I can share with others. I have even gotten to the point on doing my own Bible study for high schoolers. If it wasn't for this book I would not be the Man I am today, because I wouldn't know how to act towards others and how to understand myself.

There are multiple things I love about myself from physical look, mental state, and etc. The thing I love most about myself is my empathy towards others. I am person that people come to when they have issues. This isn't just because I put myself in their shoes, but I can think of their pain and give ways to ease or solve. being able to put a smile on some ones face is the greatest gift I could ever ask for. Anyone can be sympathetic, but it takes someone with a special mentality to understand ones emotion. This is why I love myself, because of how special my mentality is towards others. My love for myself grows each day I am able to help someone. Doing the right thing for myself not only benefits me but the people around me. Loving yourself is important for personal growth but when loving yourself benefits others as well it makes it even better