My dad moved out of our apartment when I was around nine. I don’t remember much from that time, just small glimpses from my childhood spent with him.
I never really saw him as a bad father. He was creative and attentive, writing poems and creating books with me. He put together carnival games in our living room and used Monopoly money to teach me math. Because of him, I could multiply by first grade. At the end of our days, there was always a good meal on the table, thanks to his experience in culinary school.
But the good memories do not erase the ones I can’t ignore. I remember my mom yelling and my dad promising to get better, only to take me into liquor stores the next day, claiming he was buying alcohol for our struggling neighbor. I remember the same neighbor laying drunk on our floor while my mom was at work. There were nights where my dad would lock my mother and me out of the bedroom.
After he left, alcohol became something I wanted to control. I wouldn’t let my mom drink. I made her send back the cocktails she ordered at restaurants. I couldn’t stand the strong, pungent smell of alcohol.
As I get older, the discomfort stays, but I begin to lose the ability to control it. In relationships, I set clear boundaries, asking my partners not to drink. While this has been manageable enough in high school, I worry about maintaining such boundaries in college, where drinking seems to be more prevalent.
For a while, I struggled to explain why I felt so uncomfortable. There didn't seem to be much rational reason; one drink does not make someone an addict. The closest explanation I could give is that my early experiences left an imprint that I haven’t yet healed from.
My fear deepened last year when my ex-boyfriend began college. He lied about drinking and ultimately cheated on me after a night of intoxication. The experience reinforced my association between alcohol and hurt.
At some point, I began to ask why. Why did the thought of my friends being tipsy make my stomach hurt? Why did my dad go down such a path?
I am not mad at my father for how he raised me. It was much more than alcoholism that contributed to his behavior. Unresolved trauma, ingrained by his abusive family situation, left him with mental illness, including bipolar depression. His pain led him to alcohol, which worsened his struggles.
My own harsh childhood and experiences with depression have taken an impact on me as well. Instead of turning to substances, however, I was pushed in a more positive direction. I became inspired to help children who had tough upbringings.
I want to be the kind of adult I didn’t have: a stable, supportive role model for children. Through studying psychology, I hope to better understand how early experiences shape development. That way, I can better help kids. I plan to earn a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, eventually working my way up to a Ph.D. to pursue a career as a child psychologist.
I love my father, and I sometimes wonder who he could have been if someone was there to help. His addiction influenced my beliefs, relationships, and sense of safety in ways I am still learning to navigate. But it also gave me direction. It showed me the impact people can have, and inspired me to become someone who helps children feel seen and secure.
I grew up in an abusive household. My childhood was filled with fear and so much trauma. The abuse all came from my father who was heavily addicted to alcohol, and hard drugs. Although my mother was able to escape with me and my brother when I was a toddler, the trauma I went through is still with me today. Now due to him my family is not well off financially, and I am forever scarred by the torment he has put me through.
Despite this my story is not defined by what happened to me but how I have dealt with it. My fathers actions showed me the type of person I never want to become and have pushed me to be strong and show compassion towards others. I will not let the abuse I went through take control of my life entirely. Instead I choose to see it in a brighter light, that I can overcome anything. My fathers actions due to his addiction will always stay with me but it does not define me. It only motivates me to create a better future for myself.
The stereotype that most kids that grow up with addiction in their lives often follow the same path is very heartfelt and wrong. Everyday I prove that stereotype wrong and I will continue to do so. My fathers story has made me want to become a better person and has pushed me to reach for the stars. So I am. I recently got accepted into Embry Riddle Aeronautical University for aerospace engineering. I plan on going there yet the tuition is very expensive and my family does not have a lot of money. So I will do as I have done in the past and I will push myself to be able to go. My hard work proves that stereotype wrong for all kids that were in the same situation that I was in.
With my aerospace engineering degree I plan on using it to design spacecraft for the betterment of humanity. I want the craft that I design to be able to allow scientists and astronauts to develop more research on ways to cure diseases, improve the economy, etc. All of that can be done by what is found in space since the possibilities are limitless. I have only ever wanted to help people in my life and this is a way to help mass amounts of people. By being able to gain enough money to go to college I will be able to achieve that and much more. I want to inspire other little girls who have come from nothing such as myself, and make them realize that they can reach the stars if they try hard enough.
“My children will not burry their Uncle!” The line my Mom used talking to her brother who was struggling with drug addiction.
I didn’t get to meet my Uncle Vinny when I was born. I was the first child born in the family so you would think it would be an exciting time. However, my Mom had been dealing with her older brother’s drug addiction for the last 3 years. She set boundaries when it came to protecting me. She did not want me loving my Uncle, him not cleaning up his act and then having to say goodbye to him. So when I was born she told him to clean up or not come around.
My Uncle felt that meeting me was worth a shot. He said it was not easy and there were a lot of hard days but I was his inspiration. My mom gave him a picture of me to have in his room at the rehab facility and half way house. When it was hard, he would look at my picture. I was there to celebrate his one year clean. And to this day, every year we are together to celebrate.
I am so fortunate that I have a really special relationship with my Uncle. He always tells me, I’m the reason he is clean today! I will say this, hearing the stories of how bad his addiction was, which all started with falling at work and getting pain meds to help, I will not touch any pain killers or even try any type of drug. Knowing what it can do to you, it’s not worth it in my eyes. I won’t even date a girl who does any type of drugs or even smokes.
I play football, baseball and track for my HS and I see so many kids making bad choices. I refuse to be one of them. My future is bright! I will be playing football in college and to me, I would never risk my future for drugs. I want to make a difference in this world.
My Uncle has taught me a lot about the challenges he has faced. I am part of a group at Raritan called Hero’s and Cool kids where we go to the local elementary schools and teach kids about how doing drugs is not cool. It important to get the message out there while they are young. The college I am going to attend does a similar program that I will be joining because the message is so important.
I hope you consider me for this scholarship because I will make you proud. I promise to represent your family and those who this in honor of.
