Peyton Heart Project Scholarship in Memory of Matt Dille

My name is Lydia Perilli, and I am a senior at Souderton Area High School, serving as the current president of the Peyton Heart Project Club chapter at the Souderton Area High School. I will attend Millersville University to study psychology to become a guidance counselor. Entering high school, I dealt with a lot of social anxiety and worried excessively about fitting in. This anxiety persisted through my freshman year, and my anxiety increased to the point where I would have anxiety attacks before every field hockey practice. I constantly feared I did not fit in with the rest of the girls, or that I would be late to practice or school. Eventually, these fears mounted to the fear of what if I didn't wake up at all? Moreover, I developed "checks" to cope with this anxiety, but these "checks" never showed any outward effects, so no one noticed my discomfort. Eventually, my parents noticed my distress as I would spend hours in my room trying to fall asleep, trying to resist my "checks". At first, I was reluctant to their push for me to see a psychologist, and my aversion to therapy strengthened when I did not feel comfortable opening up to the first psychologist I saw. However, I felt more at ease with a different therapist, and within the first appointment, he felt I had qualities of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was shocked when I was told this until he gave his explanation, because I thought this disorder was something obvious and noticeable. I am forever grateful to my therapist, as he was very supportive and gave me the resources and tools needed to battle my compulsions. Whilst I had beaten my obsessive compulsions, I became increasingly frustrated with others and eventually fell into a depressed state during the fall of my senior year. While I was not sad, I was not happy. I was burned out, feeling like nothing could raise my spirits because nothing really mattered. The only true sadness I ever experienced during this time was the thought of never again seeing the kids I coached or the little kids I babysat. How they would react if they were told they would never see their coach, friend, or cousin ever again caused me overwhelming distress. I found joy working with them, and their smiles and laughter saved me, bringing me out of my anger and self-isolation. My high school journey has taught me that struggles can be silent and unknown to oneself and others. To help those around you, you must be willing to have tough, but meaningful conversations, which can only be done with a sense of compassion and support. Moreover, I have learned that doing what you love or are passionate about can save you. It can bring you out of the darkness and steer you towards the light. I believe that everyone has something that can save them; they just need the resources, opportunities, and encouragement to pursue it. Thus, my mission for the Peyton Heart Project Club has been to create a place where students are supported and can find joy again in what they love. By providing people with the purpose of making a difference in others' lives, I aim to foster happiness and a community that supports each other. In the years to come, my goal is to foster a sense of community and become a person who encourages others to pursue what they love and are passionate about, as I pursue a career as a future guidance counselor.