Janey Mae Memorial Scholarship

I lost my father when I was 15 years old. It was my sophomore year of high school. it was the first time losing someone to death and it was my father. His death was pretty hard. His death came at a really bad time. I was dealing with mental health issues. I had a really bad injury from playing soccer and I was depressed at that time. Then my father died and things got from bad to worse. My advice is to cry. A lot. Just let it all out. I cried everyday day. It seems that we have to cry a finite number of tears so you can get them out quickly or you can try to prevent it and have them come anyway. Mourning was like having someone screaming in your ear all the time. That screaming voice doesn't go away, but it does become more distant. They say "time heals all wounds." They are right. They say the passage of time will heal all wounds, but the greater the loss, the deeper the cut and the more difficult the process to become whole again. Losing my father is one of the great milestones to becoming an adult. Suddenly you’re a whole lot more mature and little social slights don't matter so much and petty drama shows itself for what it is. Little things won't phase you anymore. I suppose this is the silver lining of it all. Honestly, I think many of my peers won’t catch up to my maturity level until a certain age. It was hard not being able to ask them for advice, but I've gotten over that now. That need for advice changes over time. A friend of mine lost his father when he was about 6 year old. It was my coach actually. Later he told me that when his dad died he didn't miss him all that much, but once he had children of his own, he really wished he'd been able to ask his dad's advice. So as time passed and time moved along I got lost in distractions, I grew stronger, and before I knew it, the time passed.

My upbringing is unimaginable to my peers, but for me, my mother’s death was the tragic reality I endured at ten years old. I could go into depth about the ravages that stage four lung cancer takes on a person. Describing her degrading physical and mental health would make for a taxing essay, and frankly, it would not do my mother, Keisha Kirkland, justice. Despite her illness, her indisputable determination shined, as she never gave up and put on a brave face for her only child. Keisha was unequivocally intelligent, earning her doctorate and pushing me to achieve academically are only snapshots of the numerous representations of her intellect. Moreover, she instilled in me the morals I still hold to this day, and I firmly believe a part of her lives in me. When she passed, I watched a wave of devastation wash over my family. The funeral procession, clad in black, trudged along with teary eyes. The world wept the day my mother died because of the many lives she impacted during her short life. While others wept for my mother, I was silent, worried that my agony would be disruptive. With the death of Keisha, I became a husk of my former, fun and chatty self. My father did his best, but living in a single-parent household with no siblings meant I learned how to take care of myself quickly. “You’re so mature”. Adults uttered this praise more times than imaginable. Naivete twisted those words into perceived compliments which I happily accepted, but looking back I bristle at the thought of a child needing to fend for themselves. On the other hand, my classmates colored me haughty for not playing their imaginative games, but in actuality the fervent spirit I possessed faded away and games lost their luxury. My perspective on life completely changed and pessimism became my cruch. Living in a single-parent household did have positive effects however, because the loss caused me to become a perfectionist, always striving to keep my mother proud despite the difficult times. Furthermore, her influence is still present in me as I embody her assiduous nature, taking great care in all of my endeavors. If she were alive today, she would be proud of my accomplishments and though she has passed, a part of her lives in me.

I was born into an impoverished family. I know many are also impoverished, but it is a different struggle when you are in a family with no foundation in the US and the child of an undocumented single parent. I am a child of an immigrant, and I am a first-generation American. There is immense pressure to succeed financially--a unique stressor only another child of an undocumented parent can understand. My mother is a single parent who raised all my siblings. I watched her work through the entirety of her pregnancy with my little sister and be strong for us. Naturally, this placed a lot of stress on her which was reflected in her behavior; she was constantly anxious and easily agitated. As a child, I did not aid her as much as I should have. I resented the various responsibilities I had to take on caring for my siblings. I frequently had to pick up my little sister after school and often cancel plans after school to watch her. However, due to this, I believe our sibling relationship is stronger and I enjoy taking care of children. Now I am more mindful of the struggles my mom faces as a single parent, and the struggles other single parents experience as well. Unfortunately during my freshman year, my mother became financially unstable and could not support me. Fortunately, I had been adopted by my good friend’s family. This has inspired me to be able to provide a solution for others during financial difficulties. It is also important to me that I contribute to bettering the low-income Hispanic community, especially recent immigrants. I hope to use my skills after graduating with a degree in business to aid starting companies or encourage new businesses in low-income communities. Financial insecurity is a prominent issue within immigrant families. I desire to aid children in my low-income Hispanic community and lessen the burden of their financial responsibilities. Many children grew up in similar conditions as me and are at a disadvantage in education. Another goal I have is to be able to provide scholarships to these children to lessen the financial burden they carry. I am confident with my bilingual background and desire to help my community throughout my career that I will be able to improve the lives of others.