Hannah’s Community Foster Care Forward Scholarship

I was lost. Lost in the minefield of drugs, abuse, neglect, and alcohol. I struggled with this every day until I was eight years old. I remember the night well. We weren't in school at all that day back in 2015. Well, we hadn't been going for months. We were moving. I had moved a lot, so this was no news to me. I was living in a messy home. When I say messy, I mean messy; peanut butter on the walls, feces on the floor, dirty dishes stacked high, and the little food we had was rotting in the refrigerator. The knocks came quickly. My mom came and took us to her bedroom to hide from them. I thought to myself, "What is happening? Please don't let us go!" My father stood long enough and decided to face the police he and my mom had been hiding from all their lives. The police checked our bodies for signs of abuse, which in our case there was, and they analyzed the house. We got told to "pack a little bit, and you'll be back tomorrow. We promise." We quickly were taken in the middle of the night to a nice couple. They could hardly speak English, so this was hard for me and my siblings. Even though they weren't amazing, they still took us in as fast as they could and made sure we were good. When I was at this home, me and my four siblings had to share one small bed. We got none of the toys, clothes or shoes from our home so when we arrived we had to use clothes that were donated. It was very difficult to go to school and I constantly was sad. Since the police told me that we would be back soon, I focused on that. I sat and waited by the window; waiting for my mom and dad to come. This home lasted about a month. While I was there, I got my first-ever pair of glasses. I should have gotten glasses a lot sooner! I was nearside and needed glasses. That was also the time we got brought to the office, almost all foster children go to. They gave us toys and questioned us. "What was it like at home with your parents?" This wasn't extremely difficult because I could remember a lot. In my eight-year-old mind, I didn't see a problem with the way I was living. I thought it was okay that we had a messy house, and I thought it was okay I didn't go to school. Now, looking back on it, it was a horrible situation to be in and I was constantly put in danger. The school was very difficult when I came back. It was difficult because no one asked if I was okay, or if I was sick. I got comments like, "Did you know your parents are in jail?" No, I didn't thanks for telling me. It didn't last long because my foster parents were moving and couldn't take us with them. So we moved on. This was the second home and much like the third home. We visited this family to see if we liked it. I thought it was nice. New children to play with, and good parents. I couldn't be more wrong. This was an extremely abusive home. The older boys sexually assaulted me and my siblings. This was extremely hard since this had happened before. It was negatively impacting. The older boys beat my brothers up all the time. They would kick him outside and kick him and cause bruises to his skin. I remember screaming at them to stop. But, nothing I could do could help his situation. But, I found my hope there; church. I found God and art there. That's what I believe helped me to continue and not give up. This home lasted almost two years. I felt extremely singled out. I'm sure a lot of foster children can relate to how that feels. The parents favor their children and hurt the children that aren't theirs. It made me feel like an outcast; if I didn't belong there, then I would never belong anywhere. Foster kids don't always get the perfect foster home. And many times, mental health issues and trauma are added on. I believe my experiences can help others to realize how hard it is to struggle without parents and to be put in the foster care system. As I continue my career, I wish to continue to help those around me who need encouragement to keep going. I am going to college to become a Clinical Child Psychologist. From my experiences, I have mental health issues that came from foster care. I was never given the correct resources to be healthy-minded. I believe I can make a change in the foster care system and help kids get the resources that I couldn't. Many foster children develop PTSD, Reactive attachment disorder, anxiety disorder, depression, BPD, and so much more. I believe with my career, I can find new methods to help these children live healthy lives.