Hannah’s Community Foster Care Forward Scholarship

When I was 3 days old I was adopted by my aunt, her brother is my biological father. When I was born I was heavily addicted to drugs so I was put on steroids for a while, having to go in and out of the hospital. The doctors said that I would have a learning disability due to all of the drugs I was exposed to while I was in the womb. I have always thought of my learning disability in a negative way, like I wouldn’t be at the same pace as everyone else was at school because of it. I thought of myself as dumb and stupid. And that there was no point in trying so hard at school because it wouldn’t benefit me. I do regret letting this affect me as much as it did because deep down I knew that I could get the grades. I would always aim for C’s when I could easily have been an A’s and B student. But now I’m realizing that I’ve been using it as an excuse. I learned from my mistakes by using my “disability” as an excuse. Now I try my best in everything I do but just in school but also at work and my everyday life. From now on I will live my life to the fullest potential. What I accomplished so far is I got my PCA certificate at 16. I got my CPR/ BLS at 17. And my CNA at 18. I grew up knowing that I had two moms and two dads thinking it was the norm not fully understanding what being adopted really meant. I just knew that I had another set of parents out there who would just come in and out of my life as they pleased, because they would rather have drugs than get to know their daughter. which I was fine with because they weren’t really a main factor in my life because I was fine with the parents I have now. As I’ve gotten older the visits have stopped probably around the age of 10 it did start to affect me more than I wanted it to. I wanted to believe that I didn’t need them and I would feel guilty thinking about them when I already have parents who give me anything I need or want. As I’ve gotten older my birth mother has been trying to make an effort to get to know me but I’ve been too angry to even see her or speak to her. I never felt that I didn’t belong with my family, it’s that I still feel like something was missing from my life and that has to do with not having a relationship with my biological mother. But I shouldn’t think about stuff like that because my mom has given me everything that I needed when my bio mom has done nothing for me, no birthday calls, no Christmas cards because she moved a few years back which I had to found out by going through her Facebook because I was so desperate to learn something about her. Being adopted has taught me many things from learning how to not put myself down so much as advocating for myself. I would say that being an adoptee has taken a toll on my mental health and sometimes I do wonder how life would be if I was raised in a more “traditional” household. But now that I think and look back on my upbringing I wouldn’t want to change my background for nothing because it made me the person I am today. I wrote this essay to get peace and the closure I never got. My birth mother passed away in august this year and I think by writing this essay it helped me move on and not be as angry as I was before. I know that I should forgive her but honestly I’m not ready to do that and I do believe in the future that I will be able to. What I learned from being adopted is that I shouldn’t let things define me when I have that option to choose better for myself. And that I shouldn’t feel guilty for having wanted a relationship with my bio mother. I choose to write this essay as if she were still alive because it helped me work through the way I felt and be able to process better. I do have a lot of things to work through and accept but the hardest one to accept is that she will not be able to attend my graduation, which she probably would have never attended anyways. I am grateful for the life, given that I did get the good end of the stick compared to many other people. My grandmother was always in and out of the hospital when I was in 6th grade. What I remember most about my grandmother's final days was that the nurses were not only trying to lift my grandmother's spirits but they were also helping me and my family through the toughest times of our lives one of the nurses would spend her breaks helping me plant my flowers. That particular nurse was the one who would always bring me planting materials and would always be there for me I remember her telling me that if I ever needed anything I can contact her and she will come. That's what inspired me to pursue nursing I want to be the person someone can always count on and ask me for anything and I will help them I wanted to be the person lifting people's spirits, the person who is there for the family as much as they are there for their patient. I wanted to be the person people can talk to and feel better. I never wanted something so much as I want to become a nurse.