Arlin Diaz Memorial Scholarship

When I was 11 years old I had my first seizure in my 6th grade history class. That same day I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I did not know what epilepsy or what seizures were. I knew even less how this would impact my life. I quickly learned that life with epilepsy would be a difficult one. From being that "seizure girl" to navigating life with stigmas, treatments, and everything in between. I found myself ashamed and embarrassed to say I have epilepsy so I lived a double life for 20 years. My double life put me in dangerous situations many times. I wasn't taking my anti-convulsant medications as my doctor suggested. I was sneaking out, lying, denying anything associated with seizures even while having a seizure. My denial caused me to injure myself several times putting unnecessary stress and worry on my single mother and family. I had low self-esteem and believed I wasn't enough to be loved by anyone. I was told by someone who claimed they love me that, "No one would love me because no one would want to deal with my seizures," and I believed them. This belief kept me in a toxic relationship, accepting the bare minimum and thinking it was enough. I also believed I was a burden to my loved ones. This led to depression and anxiety that no one knew I was dealing with. I felt very alone in my struggle. I didn't believe anyone could ever understand what I was dealing with. People believed my seizures were caused by a demon and even performed an exorcism on me. No matter what combination of medications I tried nothing seemed to help not even my neurologist. My mom and I were often dismissed when we expressed concerns about the correlation between my seizures and hormones. Even though medication didn't work for me that was the only treatment ever suggested to me. Forcing me to look for alternatives and spending thousands of dollars my family and I didn't have. Anything to help prevent me from consistently having seizures. For 20 years I hated myself, my epilepsy, and what it did to my family. It wasn't until a conversation with my older brother that made me viewed epilepsy in a new light. Rather than see epilepsy as my curse I realized that it was my blessing. I was meant to help others in the epilepsy community through their journey. That is why I started using social media as a way to not only bring awareness to epilepsy but also to help those in the community. I wanted others to not feel alone as I did for so long. What made life with epilepsy even more difficult was I didn't know anyone else with epilepsy. Just in the U.S., about 3 million people are living with epilepsy. One in twenty-six will develop epilepsy in their lifetime. Epilepsy isn't a rare condition but it is a hidden one. Like me most in the epilepsy do not feel comfortable letting others know they have epilepsy. Whether it is due to stigmas, societal treatment, low self-esteem, etc. epilepsy continues to be in the shadows. With my education, I plan on continuing to help this overlooked community.