GUTS- Olivia Rodrigo Fan Scholarship

The pressure has always been on since I could remember. My parents have always had high standards for me, which led to me having high standards for myself. I never had many friends because my standards would be "too high," and I have always been told by my friends and family to lower them, but if I did, when I got mistreated (which was very often), it hurt more than just being alone. I have always protected my peace, which has caused me more loneliness. The lyric from the song Making the Bed that resonates with my own teenage experience is "another day pretending I'm older than I am." I have never been a big fan of technology, so during my free time, I usually work out, garden, walk my dog, cook my mom and me food, read, work, and so much more. With all the time alone, I am constantly trying to get ahead. I have been working since I was 14, and I babysat and nannied (which I still do). Since I was 16, I have been working in the restaurant industry. When there were high school activities, I often chose to work instead. I would be working over 40 hours per week. I had two serving jobs at one point, and my only goal was to make money, so it would be easier to be on my own. When people I knew came into the restaurant, I would be serving them, which for some reason made me feel like I was in "A Cinderella Story." The work environments I have put myself in have caused many mental health issues for me. I would sit in my car sometimes 30 minutes before work to prepare myself and get all the tears out. I love working but sometimes it takes a toll on me. Gardening has been the biggest escape for me, and I have planted each seed on this hillside behind my house (with help from my neighbor). For the first couple of years, nothing was growing, but now my garden is full of flowers, which gives me hope, and I remember that good things take time. With all the struggles I have encountered with friendships and being different from others, I dealt with the hardest moment that I have ever had to deal with. In my senior year of high school, my mom had a seizure, and we later found out she had a brain tumor. I struggled to recover from the thought of completely being alone. She was my person, and to think she would leave this world and I would never get a hug and kiss goodbye was the worst feeling. She did recover and has done amazing things and will forever be my role model. I have had to grow up faster than I wanted to, and I wish time would slow down. I am now in college and am dealing with even bigger issues and just wish I could be 16 again.