Eduardo Uvaldo Memorial Scholarship

The loss of my Mother changed my life in every single aspect, and I have been forever changed because of it. She took her own life with a gunshot wound to the head, when I was just 20 years old, on September 17th, 2020. Up until this point, I was living at home with just her and me, as it had always been since she and my dad divorced in 2004. I have a great relationship with my dad but I have never lived with him full-time, just visiting on the weekends until I was 18. When this happened, I was taken in by my Mom's brother, and his wife (my aunt and uncle), as they lived the closest to me and would be able to hold another member in their household. Living with just my Mom was all I knew, I was working to pay for college, and going fully online at the Academy of Art University to pursue an associate's in interior design. Then all of a sudden I had to quit my job, take a break from school, move out of my childhood home, and start going to therapy due to the awfulness of the situation. I was thrust into adulthood in many ways before I was ready to be and without guidance from the one person who could truly give it, the one person who knew me best. The following next few months were very rough for me, and I am thankful for the family I do have to be able to help in the ways they did. I lost my Grandmother (who I called nanny), who was very dear to me, and my Grandfather on my Mom's side of the family within 3 months of my Mothers passing. I was so stricken with the grief of my Mom and another family, I became very underweight and had insomnia for over 6 months. I went to therapy every week for a while, and slowly spaced out my appointments as months passed. When her anniversary of a year came around, it was a rough day for me. I asked my family if we could do something to celebrate it, and I asked my Dad to be there. It was rough for us both, as the day she passed happened to be on his birthday. And now, three years later, it is still one of the hardest days every year. Trying my best to celebrate my Dad's life, and mourn my mother's loss. After that first year, my family helped me apply to Kendall College of Art and Design, and that is where I attend now, in person. I have had to face many moments of grief affecting my school life, causing me to be very low near my birthday, the holidays and the start of every fall semester. I have done my best to communicate that to the professors I've had a chance to, and it is usually handled gently. There are moments in my English classes when I have had to excuse myself, or simply endure triggering content about gun violence and suicide, doing my best to be an active participant through things that remind me of what I have lost. Most of the hard days I encounter are handled alone now. After the first year, most of my family and friends had moved on with their lives, and the death of my Mom and the aftermath of me is not at the forefront of their minds. It is now my battle that I handle, with each birthday, mothers Day, holiday and anniversary.

In 2021 I lost one of my childhood friends to gun violence. Asking myself questions like "Why was that person allowed to have a gun" "Why did it have to be the time when my friend was around" or "Why couldn't it have been me". That day plays in my head multiple times thinking about all the "what ifs" and wondering If could have changed the situation. People don't understand the long nights of grieving aching for at least one last conversation or crying on the spot thinking of the tiniest memories that were shared. Seeing one of their family members and their resemblance makes you sick to your stomach. The day of receiving that phone call changed my life since 10:29 that morning. Every day I live to honor my friend who passed and know they would enjoy getting to see another day. Reach the goals, we set out to achieve together and all our big dreams. I don't allow situations to anger me or stress about situations out of my control. I smile at the trees and sky while driving just be thankful to enjoy the view. In each conversation, with someone I love, I make sure to let them know that no matter happy or mad at the end of the conversation. Giving those who deserve their flowers here on earth and not waiting till they have passed away. We hear people say they got over death in days and were back to normal. Truthfully, I had to take a few mental health weeks to regain my focus. I isolated myself from friends and family to just self-reflect. My schoolwork was one of the things that kept me focused and help my mind wander off into another world for a little bit. Updated my school and professors just to let them know my situation to be allowed a few days to grieve. My grandmother always told me "Pain is proof that you're still living" and that is a quote that is stuck on a shelf in my mind. Being able to feel that pain shows that I'm still living on earth and shouldn't take any day for granted. This scholarship was hard to write but I'm thankful the scholarship is in place to help those with similar traumatic experiences. Sorry about the loss of your loved one Eduardo Uvaldo and I hope each day the pain gets easier. Thank you for taking the time to read my essay.