EJ Johnson Memorial Scholarship

My suicidal ideation started in my junior year of high school. I have come to believe this is because of my own mother's depression and bipolar disorder; these heirlooms were not only passed down to me, but infected every interaction I had with her. My mother was unpredicable and made our home a prison of neglect and verbal abuse. I went without eating for days at a time and stopped contacting my friends. No adults noticed my decline and no length of time helped me understand why I was inherently wrong; for six months, I was completely and utterly alone. Now, as a high school senior, I know that period of turmoil didn't leave me unscathed. Normal bad days, the kind everyone has from time to time, send me into spirals. What if I keep feeling worse, and this time I do take my life? What if I spend another six months drowning in tears? What if this is the straw that pushes everyone away from me? Even on good days, I might lock myself away and panic about becoming the same woman my mother has. Through these experiences, the toxic home life created by my mother's unwillingness to accept help, and the fear I felt when I was envisioning my own suicide, I realized my purpose after high school was to be a counselor. I think back to all the times I wished I knew what to do, or wished someone else would tell me what to do. How many nights could I have rested easier because someone understood me and wanted to make a difference? I realized that I wanted to be that person for others, even if I was struggling, too. One of my greatest passions is understanding people as individuals. I can't imagine a better way of understanding and helping people than guiding them through their personal battles. If awarded this grant, the money would go towards my Master's in Psychology. My passion to pursue counseling as a career has given me a reason to live. If I have nothing else, I know I at least have the ambition and drive to help people, and a plan to achieve that desire. With this degree, I am equipping myself with the knowledge necessary to become a better, more productive person, as well as the means to connect with people and make the world a better place. I believe this scholarship can make my dream all the more possible, for both my and others' futures.

When I was fifteen years old, I found myself in one of the darkest and most confusing periods of my life. I was not in a good place mentally, and the choices I made during that time reflected the emotional turmoil I was experiencing. Eventually, everything reached a point where I had to be hospitalized for my own safety and well-being. Being admitted to a mental hospital was frightening and overwhelming, but in many ways, it became a turning point. For the first time, I was forced to slow down, reflect on what had brought me to that moment, and confront feelings I had been avoiding. During my stay, I spent a lot of time thinking about the experiences and emotions that had led up to my crisis. The environment—structured, safe, and centered on healing—allowed me to look deeper into myself than I ever had before. Through conversations with mental health professionals and honest self-reflection, I began to understand the patterns and internal battles that I had been struggling with for years. It was during this period that I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder. While the diagnosis was serious, it was not entirely surprising. My mother also lives with bipolar disorder, so part of me always knew that it was a possibility. Still, hearing it said out loud made everything feel more real, but it also gave me clarity. Instead of feeling lost, I finally had a name for what I had been fighting. Years have passed since that difficult time, and the person I am today is far from the overwhelmed fifteen-year-old who entered that hospital. My journey with mental health has shaped me in important ways, and it continues to influence the choices I make about my future. One of the most meaningful decisions I have made is to pursue a career in education. I am now taking courses to become a teacher, and my past experiences guide my purpose. I want to support children who may be struggling silently, the same way I once was. My goal is not only to help them avoid reaching a breaking point but also to create a classroom environment where mental health is talked about openly and without shame. I want to be the type of teacher who sees students as whole people—minds, emotions, challenges, and all. By sharing my understanding and empathy, I hope to show young people that asking for help is not a weakness and that mental health is something to care for, not fear. My own journey taught me the importance of compassion, and now I want to pass that forward.